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We went out back to sit. "I love this weather," I commented.
"Yeah. So Cal's infamous Santa Ana winds." He raised his glass to the sky. "Cheers," he said and then took a big gulp.
"You know what I find the strangest about losing my memories?"
"What?"
"That I remember things like these winds, but not how I felt about them. If I liked them or not, but the rest of the memory is there."
"What did the doctor say exactly?"
"Not much. That I needed to go to a psychiatrist. She might be able to help me remember."
"You don't sound so convinced that you want to remember."
“If I'm being honest, I'm not sure if I want to remember stuff that had me wanting to kill myself. Before she told me that, I just wanted everything back, but now…"
"You're afraid."
"Yeah. I mean, what if this is what the universe wanted for me? What if I was brought back to start over and do something magnificent? I could be ruining the universe's master plan by getting back the past."
"What? Like you're some sort of super hero, and you're going to save the world?" His serious tone melted quickly and was replaced by a loud chuckle.
"Shut up. I can't believe you're making fun of a mental patient."
We laughed together for another minute. "Why is this so easy?" I waved my hand between us.
"What do you mean?"
"You and me. It's so easy."
"Is it not easy with Brandt?"
I paused for the right words. "It's natural, but complicated."
"Because you like him. When has love ever not been complicated?"
That reminded me. "Can I ask you something?"
"Oh, no. I'm not sure if I like the sound of that tone."
"You said you were taken." I paused, allowing him time to stop me, but he didn't. "Were you talking about Tessa?"
He drank what was left in his glass and set it down loudly onto the table.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. I didn't mean to upset you."
He rubbed his face hard before he said anything. "No, it's okay. I just haven't talked about her in a long time. Brandt and I don't talk about what happened. When we moved out here, we just kind of cut that out of our lives."
"You don't have to talk about it."
"No, it's not that. I've been wanting to talk about her, but I wasn't the only one who lost loved ones that day, so I let Brandt deal with it in his way. I dealt with it in mine." He held up the glass.
"So, that's what the other night was about?"
"You caught that, huh? I'm impressed, with how drunk you were. It got pretty bad for a while. I got help, and I stopped. That night out with you was my first drink in six months."
"That's not good," I responded sadly.
