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I took the bundle from her and continued my walk back to Nichole's house. I walked straight to the kitchen, filled up a glass with water, and placed the flowers in it.
"Hey. Almost ready to go?" Nichole asked.
"As ready as I'll ever be."
"Pretty flowers," she said as she picked up her car keys from the table.
"Yeah, they are," I said, more to myself than her.
Nichole drove with the windows down and the music blaring. I think she could tell I wasn't in the mood to talk. As we passed the little old lady's house, she waved. She was still pruning in the garden. Something she probably spent most of her days doing, now that the love of her life was gone. I smiled back.
It took us a good twenty minutes to get to UCSD Thorton Hospital. We were on the coast, and it was inland, more in La Jolla. The building was massive and intimidating. Until now, I had been free of the hustle and bustle of crowds.
"It's huge."
"Beautiful, huh? It's my dream to work here one day. Preferably, under Dr. Caldwell."
The familiar tightness in my stomach reared its ugly head. I tried to concentrate on my breathing so I didn't have another episode. It was one thing for Brandt to see me like that, but I didn't want to put that on Nichole.
She definitely knew where she was going. The building we headed toward was just opposite the main entrance to the hospital, which was a huge relief. I didn't want to walk through the hallways of a hospital so soon after leaving one.
"Her office is on the top floor. She has a killer view."
I wasn't sure if she was telling me to make small talk, but my intuition told me it was because she truly admired Dr. Caldwell, which made me feel more at ease.
"You've been really quiet. In fact, you haven't said a word since we left the house,” Nichole observed as we took the elevator up.
"I'm just anxious."
The doors opened, and I followed her to the far corner of the building. She opened the solid dark double doors and ushered me inside. There were different nooks for people to hide until it was their appointment time. The waiting area was pleasing and comfortable, not at all what I was expecting. I expected a row of chairs in a narrow hallway crowded with people concealing their ashamed faces behind a hat or a phone, waiting for their doctor to come out and turn off the infamous light switch next to seven others when it was finally their turn. I had no idea how I knew that, but I guess if I tried to kill myself, I probably had some experience with therapists.
I sat next to Nichole who had picked up a magazine already. "How will she know we're here?"
"She has a camera." Nichole pointed to the far corner of the room where a camera was placed.
I twirled my hair nervously until the door opened. Dr. Paige Caldwell was not what I expected. I didn't really know what I expected, but she was stunning. Her blue eyes pierced me immediately. She was tall and voluptuous with thick blonde hair that dropped to her waist, and her smile dared you to not smile back.
"You must be Freckles," she said cordially.
"Yes, I guess so." I stood up.
"Well, let's see if we can't fix that. Come on in. Will Nichole be joining us?"
"It's fine with me." I bit at my lip.
"Sit wherever you would like." Dr. Caldwell motioned inside the office.
Nichole followed and Dr. Caldwell closed the door behind us, heading to the desk hidden in the corner and picked up a notebook.
She was going to take notes. This was really happening. My nerves were getting the best of me as my eyes darted around the room looking for the safest place to sit.
Nichole sat in one of the chairs by the desk, out of sight, and I chose to sit on the end of the couch with my back to Nichole. Dr. Caldwell sat on the chaise across from me.
"Would you like a glass of water?"
I shook my head. "I'm okay, thanks." I sat forward, nervously.
"Nichole tells me you were diagnosed with dissociative amnesia by your treating doctor at the hospital?"
