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She hummed quietly as she picked up trash as if she were thoroughly enjoying it, and then I found myself falling into her rhythm and enjoying it, too. “This is very cathartic.”
She looked at me with thoughtful eyes and a soft smile. “It is.”
She was a woman of few words, but they weren’t without purpose. She didn’t small talk, which left a lot of room for silence, but it didn’t feel awkward today. It felt peaceful.
We had beenwalking along the beach for a while, emptying the bag into trash bins along the way several times, and eventually made our way to the cliff rocks where she had almost drowned.
“The tide is too high right now to climb,” Charlee mentioned as she sat down on the sand and let Midnight off her leash. I sat next to her, resting my arms over my bent knees and watched as the little puffball trotted down to the waves and barked happily as they crashed in front of her.
“You know, I never asked what your dog’s name is.”
“Her name is Midnight,” she replied simply. Then she continued, “If you close your eyes and listen carefully, you can almost hear a symphony of music created by the ocean.”
When I stole a glance over, Charlee’s eyes were closed and she had a blissful look on her face. Even her body seemed to relax as she took in the ocean air in deep, slow breaths. God, she was so damn beautiful. How could someone who seemed so broken be so ethereal?
“How do you do it?” I asked.
Her eyes opened and she looked at me quizzically. “What do you mean?”
“How do you shut everything out?” My mind was always racing, whether it was anxiety over leaving my entire life behind or how my mom was doing without me or if my sister’s physical therapy was progressing. Then there was Drew and his business and, most recently, Charlee and her brokenness and the complete consumption of her in my thoughts.
“My husband and I used to come here after a really big fight and just listen to the ocean. We weren’t allowed to engage with each other until the waves washed up and took our anger with them deep into the ocean.” She laughed quietly. “Sounds silly when I say it out loud, but it worked for us.” She was staring out at the ocean now.
I was at a loss for words again because this was the first time she had mentioned that she was married. Was that what caused her shoulders to sag and her smiles to fade too quickly? I wondered what happened to him, but I didn’t dare ask. If I learned anything from my mom’s recovery was that opening up was a hard and slow process, and trying to force it would only delay it, maybe even stunt it.
She closed her eyes again and inhaled a deep breath and then asked, “Aren’t you going to ask about my husband?” She opened one eye, waiting for my answer.
“Only if you want me to,” I replied.
She smiled, but didn’t respond.
We sat on the cool sand in silence as the sun did its best to break through the clouds as it crept up the sky. Every so often it would succeed and a filter of light would make the water glisten. I closed my eyes like Charlee and sucked in deep, slow breaths as I had seen her do, and I listened. At first, all I heard was Midnight barking and the loud crashes of the waves on the cliff rocks, but then after a few minutes, I heard it. The symphony Charlee was referring to. It was a band comprised of kids laughing and birds squawking, but also the ocean breaking on the sand and receding back into the ocean. The different octaves created when the water and rocks collided mixed flawlessly with the train that rushed by on the hilltop, honking in the distance. All the sounds melded together so perfectly and it was almost magical.
Midnight must have made her way back up the beach because I felt her plop down next to me, burrowing into my thigh. When I opened my eyes, Charlee was watching me thoughtfully.
“She likes you,” Charlee admitted.
“What’s there not to like?” I sat up straighter and puffed out my chest.
“Slow down, surfer boy. She pretty much likes everyone.” She let out a short laugh.
My shoulders dropped and I sighed. “Man, and here I thought I was getting in good with you through your beloved sidekick.”
Another silent moment passed between us.
“Why are you here, Levi?”
I could hear her say my name a million times and it would still give me tingles down my spine. “Like, here with you or here at this campground?”
“Both.” She squeezed her knees to her chest, resting her cheek on them and watching me intently.
My chest expanded as I took in a deep breath. “Well, I’m here with you, because my roomie is an ass.” She laughed softly at my honesty. “And I’m here at this campground, because my ass of a roomie promised me a life-changing tour of all the beaches around the country in his shiny new Airstream.” I left out some details, but that about summed it up.
“That sounds amazing, but it sounds like things have changed?”
Her almond-shaped eyes studied me. It was funny, because I thought she was the puzzle that needed figuring out, but clearly I was, too.
“He just got a pretty good gig, so we’re cutting the tour short by forty-nine states.” I didn’t mean to sound bitter, but I was. Maybe I was the ass.
