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“Midnight, stop,” I shouted through a clenched jaw. She ran back to where I was now sitting. The waves broke on the rocks, spraying us with a fine layer of cool mist. Of course, it was just my luck that the tide was on its way back in soon. Midnight stood by me, her head cocked curiously as I grunted at the pain in my ankle. It didn’t look broken, but it hurt like hell.
Looking back where we came from, we hadn’t gone too far from the campground beach. I could make it if I walked into the water where the rocks ended, but I would be knee deep, at least.
“Hey, girl, stay on the rocks.” Midnight was super smart, but I wasn’t sure if she would understand what I was doing. It was breaking routine. Carrying her would make this more difficult, and as soon as I stood up and tried to put weight on my foot, I knew it wasn’t an option. There was no way I was walking out of here.
“Well, this sucks,” I said to Midnight. “Not the way I imagined dying,” I joked. Kind of.
The only way I was getting back to the campground was crawling over the rocks, so I pulled my sweats back down to protect my knees as much as possible.
I started the very slow crawl, the rocks scuffing my palms and jagged edges piercing my knees periodically. The tide was coming in more quickly, or maybe it just seemed that way because I was moving so slow. I wasn’t worried at first, but I still had a ways to go, and the rocks I was climbing over were almost completely submerged now.
Dammit.
“Midnight.” She paused and looked back at me. “Go get help.” Her head cocked. She had no idea what I was saying, but she was smart, so I tried again. “Go,” I shouted, waving my hand to shoo her away. Her little body wiggled a little. “Go get help,” I begged. After another quick wiggle she turned around and ran over the rocks back toward the campground. For all I knew, she would go back to the trailer like she always did, burrowing on the bed by the bottom steps until I made it back.
I laughed at this completely comical and ironic situation. Here I was, a forty-one-year-old woman alone on the cliff, about to be swallowed up by the very ocean that had been the only thing keeping me alive these past months. My laugh didn’t even reach beyond the rocks and quickly turned into defeated tears.
Was I ready to die? It was an idea that had pretty much consumed my thoughts since Bridger died, but was I really ready? Would my pain finally end?
I met Bridger on this very beach. We were just teenagers then when the beach was less known. Only the hardcore surfers came here and never willingly told anyone outside their circles about it because crowded sets were undesirable.
My friend, Genesis, had brought me to the beach to watch her boyfriend, Jayden, surf. She had invited me before, but I wasn’t a morning person and valued the weekends to sleep in, but this time I agreed, waking up at five to get ready. When I thought of the beach, I imagined warm sweats over a bikini, hair in a pony, and maybe waterproof mascara. Imagine my surprise when I approached Jayden’s car, and Genesis was made up like she was going to a party. Her bathing suit was visible through her cover-up, and her bright blonde, almost white, hair was waved and cascading over her shoulders. I slouched down in the back seat, cursing my stupidity and making a mental note for next time. If there was a next time. Embarrassment might keep me away from now on.
It was just before sunrise when we arrived at the beach. The small parking lot was already full, and boys and girls were suiting up to protect their skin from the frigid Pacific water. They laughed loudly, truly enjoying themselves, even though it was a day they could have slept in. Their dedication was impressive.
Genesis leaned on Jayden’s truck, twisting a piece of hair around her finger.
“Isn’t Jayden cute?”
I’d have to be careful how I answered that. It was almost like a trick question. If I agreed, she may think I had a thing for her boyfriend, but if I kept quiet, she would take personal offense to her choice in boys.
“He’s fun,” I said instead and she looked at me oddly.
“You’re weird.” She crinkled her nose and giggled.
I could admit I was a little awkward. I preferred reading over lunchtime banter and reality TV over going to parties. It’s not like I was the only introvert in the world, but usually being an introvert in high school equaled social pariah, but Genesis and I had been inseparable friends since grade school. She took me everywhere no matter how weird I was.
It was hard not to smile as the dawn patrol ran down the beach, surfboards hugged tightly to their sides, and splashing through the water without hesitation. I envied how free they seemed. It practically filled the air with intoxicating joy.
“Thank you for bringing me,” I said to Genesis as we sat on towels, watching them catch wave after wave, the rising sun stunning behind them. I hugged my knees tightly to my chest to stay warm, while Genesis seemed unaffected by the morning chill.
She turned and smiled. “It’s pretty awesome, right?”
“I wish I brought my camera. It’s beautiful.” Next time. I had decided that I couldn’t deprive myself of something so incredible no matter how many hours of sleep were sacrificed.
“Who’s that?” The surfers mesmerized me, but I had zoned in on one in particular, a strange, unfamiliar feeling pulling in my stomach.
“Who?” Genesis propped up on her elbows, having been sunbathing on her stomach. The sun climbed high enough to warm the sand and I had even shed my hoodie.
She followed my gaze to a tall boy with dark hair walking out of the water. He didn’t fit in to the typical surfer stereotype. Tattoos covered his neck and arms, and the visible skin was more fair than sun-kissed.
“I don’t know. Never seen him.” She plopped back down, her interest not taking hold. Mine, however, had locked on its target and wasn’t letting go. My eyes followed as he strode up to a lone towel near the cliffside rocks, slamming his board into the sand and chugging a bottle of water. He brushed his longer locks out of his face, and then his head turned toward me and his eyes found mine. My body exploded with tingles and my heart sped up.
Oh crap, he saw me looking at him.
I jerked my head down quickly, my cheeks heating with embarrassment. I dared to peek up a few seconds later and was relieved to see he was heading back to the water.
That was the first time my body reacted to anyone like that and I liked it way more than I would ever admit to anyone. I vowed to myself to come with Genesis as often as she would let me and one day get up the courage to cross paths with the nameless boy.
