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I let all the sadness and pain in, welcome it even, as I deserve it all.
I think about Holden and how he doesn’t deserve a fucked-up girl like me ruining his perfectly constructed world he’s worked so hard for. I’m a fucking train wreck, one who doesn’t deserve him, a hundred times over.
My heart cracks at the thought of another deserving girl giving Holden all he wants and needs.
Because I’ll never be able to be that for him.
And that fucking hurts.
Chapter17
Holden
I tossand turn all night. I don’t understand why Lennox got so mad. What am I missing?
And what the hell did Aaron mean when he said be careful, she’ll say she raped you. Lennox has never accused anyone of rape before. She’s hooked up with enough people that if she was throwing those accusations around, I’m sure someone would’ve gotten wind of it.
By eight in the morning, I give up on sleep. I try Lennox’s phone again for the millionth time, but it goes straight to voicemail. Where the hell is she?
With coffee in hand, I start my Xbox. Maybe some video gaming and shooting some motherfuckers will help me escape my brain for a little while.
No such luck.
You care about this girl way more than you should.
“Dammit, how’d he get me?” I scream at my TV.
Remember the rules of no feelings?
“Fuck you, motherfucker! You hiding piece of shit.” I yell at the game again.
Ha! You definitely fell and fell hard.
“Again?! What the ever-loving fuck? Fuck this game and all you campers! Little fucking bitches.”
I didn’t fall for anything. She’s my friend, and I care about her. Plain and simple.
“That’s it! Fuck this game!” I throw my controller at the TV, and it bounces off and lands on the floor, a piece of the controller flying in the air.
“Fuck!” I yell as I pick up my now broken controller. I’ve never gotten this mad at the game before. What the hell is wrong with me?
I hear a knock on my door and groan. “Yeah?”
Landon pops his head in. “Dude. It’s fucking early. What’s with all the yelling?”
“Sorry, bro. My game is pissing me off.”
“I’ve never heard you get this mad,” Landon says as he rubs his eyes.
Just then, the doorbell rings.
“Who the fuck is that?”
I shrug, but a big part of me hopes it's Lennox. I’ve told her I’m always here if she needs me, and maybe she finally realized she does.
Landon and I walk to the door, and when he opens it, it’s not Lennox but Everleigh.
“Hey. Sorry it’s early, but is Lennox here?” Her eyes look back and forth between Landon and me. Exhaustion tugs at her features, and the concern on her face is clear as day.
