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Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
The minutes grow long, the road noise lulling me into a half-awake, half-asleep space. I’m exhausted, my body is sore, and all I want is for all of this to end.
I want to go home.
I want to sleep in my own bed. To eat a meal I’ve made for myself. To see my best friend. To deal with the trauma of all that’s happened.
I want to write.
The thought hits me like a brick wall. All my life, writing has been an escape. It’s been the way I’ve dealt with my feelings, faced my fears, survived my life. The day I lost Declan and Liam, it felt like it was taken away from me.
It felt like,How can I write, how can I do the thing I love most, when they’re gone?
How is that fair?
I haven’t touched a laptop to really try to write since. Haven’t allowed the plots in my head to take root. But now, what I want more than anything else, is to tell my story.
The brutal, terrible truth of it all. The day I lost them, the day my life fell apart, all the painful moments I’ve had to live with since then. And this, which in all reality, could never compare to that.
Not for me and not for everyone else involved.
When I feel the car slowing down, my thoughts halt. From the front of the car, Chris curses loudly, then even louder.
Is it working? Did it—
“No!”
CRASH.
The moment is incomprehensible. The pain hits me before I register it. I’m thrown forward into the back of the seats, and suddenly the space is smaller. I’m pinned in between sharp metal and the hard, unyielding fabric on the back seat. Stuck.
I can’t breathe.
Can’t think.
I’ve been torn apart.
Warm liquid surrounds me, though whether it’s blood or urine, I can’t be sure. Half of my body seems to be missing.
I’m dying, or perhaps already dead.
My thoughts come in fragmented pieces.
What happened?
How is it possible to hurt so badly and feel nothing at all? I’m numb, and yet my body is on fire. Whole, yet scattered. My head throbs. My arm is somewhere underneath me, bent at an angle that isn’t natural. I can’t feel my legs. My stomach feels ready to combust.
Ow.
Somewhere in the distance…perhaps in another world—in another galaxy or universe yet to be explored—a door slams.
“What the fuck?”Chris.
“Your taillights are out, bro. I’m sorry. I didn’t see you were stopping until it was too late.Shit…Are you okay?”Someone else.A voice I don’t recognize.
