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Ilove visiting Horizons Valley.
My parents purchased a home on the lake when I was three, and every summer and every long weekend, we drove up from Atlanta to get away. That’s where I’m from, Atlanta, but for the last eight years, I’ve lived in New York City.
I attended Juilliard right out of high school and fell in love with the hustle and bustle of city life. It’s where I met Avery and Cora, and it’s where we became the musical trio Avery, Emma, and Cora. At the time we had no idea the level of fame we would reach, but as the popularity for our music—classical pop—grew, we just went for it. At one time we talked about what each of us wanted to be when we ‘grew up’, but then this career fell into our laps and like New York, it’s also where we’ve stayed. Well, it’s where Cora and I have stayed; Avery recently moved to Nashville and here to the lake to be with Ash. After all these years, it’s crazy to me that she could pick up and leave it so easily. New York City is home, and I officially consider myself a New Yorker even though I love it here in this small mountain town, too.
“Would you stop eating those Cheez-Its? You’re going to dye your fingers orange and get crumbs everywhere,” I scold Cora, who has whipped a snack bag out of her clutch and gone to town on the crackers.
“No, I won’t, and I’m starving. We aren’t eating for like another hour. Besides, you know I’m a pro at eating them since I’ve been eating them my whole life, and I just can’t help myself. They’re so delicious.”
I glance over, and Cora smirks at me as she pops another one into her mouth then proceeds to rub her hands together back and forth over the floor to shake off excess salt and crumbs. After the rehearsal, we are all invited back to Ash and Avery’s for the rehearsal dinner. They’ve had it catered by some barbecue place they love.
I roll my eyes. “Oh, I know you are a pro with them. I’ve watched you consume thousands of them over the years. I’m surprised you haven’t actually turned into a Cheez-It.”
“I can’t help it. You know Cheez-Its are the only snack my mother would let me eat as a child, and well, I’m kind of addicted to them.” She shoves a few more into her mouth.
Cora’s mother—she makes the wicked stepmother in Cinderella look like Mary Poppins.
“Why Cheez-Its? You never told me her reasoning.”
I turn down Lakeside Drive, and Cora pulls a rubber band off her wrist. She rolls the snack bag to close it then wraps the band around it.
Lakeside Drive is three blocks off Main Street and the cutest little mountain town. It’s complete with brick buildings, white steepled churches, shops that tailor to tourists as well as locals, a few breweries, and tons of unique mom-and-pop places to eat. It looks like the setting for a Hallmark movie, and I’m shocked it hasn’t been used once or twice, especially during Christmastime.
“She read an article once about a principal ballerina of the American Ballet Company where she talked about how the only thing she allowed herself to indulge in was Cheez-Its. Otherwise, her diet was strict and plain. My mother thought this was brilliant, and she thought she was being kind by making an exception in my diet.”
“You do realize your mother is downright crazy, right?” I ask, peeking over at her.
“You’re preaching to the choir. Why do you think I never go home? Oh, look, there’s the tent!” She points at the tent where my best friend is getting married tomorrow.
I don’t know why this is so strange to me. It’s clear to everyone how in love they are, I just always thought it would be me first. After all, I’m the one who has been in a long-term relationship, and I’m the one who’s talked about getting married a gazillion times.
Justin and I started dating over five years ago. We met at Talents in the city, a bar located only a few blocks from our school. Every night is open mic night, and anything goes. Avery and I went there for years. We both performed at least once a week, her on the piano and me on the violin. Mostly we performed solos, but every now and then we performed together.
You know how there are moments you know are going to change the direction of your life? I knew I was having one of those moments the night I met him.
“Is this seat taken?” he asked.
I felt the warmth of his body against my back as he leaned in close so I could hear him before I saw him. My eyes squeezed shut because I just knew with a voice like that, there had to be a beautiful face attached to it. If not, I just might have been devastated.
“Hey, is this seat taken?” he asked again as he tapped me on the shoulder. Turning to look at him, I found myself staring up into the most beautiful gray eyes. Yep, the face matched the voice, and mine cracked as I answered him.
“Looks like it is now.” I smiled weakly. He was so cute I was rendered stupid. He pulled out the stool, plopped down on it, and leaned one elbow against the bar. His eyes were bright and happy, and as they scanned over my face, his mouth quirked into a lopsided grin.
That was all it took. I was one hundred percent smitten.
We spent six amazing months together and then he took a job in Palm Springs. To say I was miserable when he left would be an understatement, but we made it work. Then two and a half years later, he started asking for breaks. The first time, I was devastated. I thought we were done, but a few weeks later he called as if nothing had happened, told me he missed me, and asked if I would fly out to visit, so I did. We reexamined our future, agreed that we were in it indefinitely no matter what and since then, we’ve had five more breaks, which always end with him coming back. I’m not dumb; I know what he’s doing. He’s met someone, and instead of just having an affair I would probably never know about, he ends things until whatever it is has run its course.
The first couple of times it hurt a lot, but now not so much. I’ve always understood that long distance is hard, for that I forgave him and I chose to overlook things I probably shouldn’t have. I felt secure with him as my future, I loved him and to me that seemed more important than the few times he might have been with someone else while we’ve been apart. Regardless of the day-to-day stuff, we committed to our relationship for the long game, only I’m tired of playing. It hasn’t felt fun in a while.
Avery and Cora don’t understand why I keep allowing him to come crawling back, but what they also don’t understand is that long distance is really hard. I get it. He has a life there, just like I have one in New York and here at the lake. Ninety-five percent of the time, our worlds don’t overlap, and it’s easy to feel unattached when your person is never there. Which is how I ended up with Clay on our break last year.
In all the years Justin and I have been together, Clay is the only one who made me turn my head twice. We were together last year during Thanksgiving weekend, we talked a few times afterward, and then it was like he fell off the face of the earth right before Christmas. He completely ghosted me, and it hurt way more than I expected it to.
Have I seen him since? Yes. Too many areas of our life have overlapped to not push us together in the same space, and he’s always completely cordial to me, but that spark is gone. He’s flat and monotone when he speaks to me, which even that is rare to say the least, and although I should have stopped thinking about him, for some reason I just can’t. Half of the time I think it’s just me wanting something I can’t have, but then the other half of the time I remember what it was like to be with him, and those moments were real. They weren’t fleeting or sterile, they were full of laughter and life. There was something there, I know there was, and I know it wasn’t one-sided. That’s why after all these months, I can’t stop the anxiety from creeping in under my skin as I’m certain Clay is already here.
Clay makes me nervous, not in a bad way, but in a way where I feel like a schoolgirl with a crush on a boy, a crush I really shouldn’t have and I’m certain is unrequited. It’s like he’s firmly landed himself in the spot saved for the one who got away, even though I never had him in the first place. Then I get angry with myself, because after all, I’m with Justin and I shouldn’t be thinking about someone else. Well, I’m with him right now, until he wants another break.
“How cute is this venue?” Cora asks as we pull into the parking lot adjacent to the outdoor theater.
