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An entire floor of a house belonged to me at this very moment, and yet I didn’t want it. I didn’t like how big it felt around me. I didn’t like how my bedroom swallowed me up. I didn’t enjoy the high thread count of those cotton sheets Andres had tossed on my bed without asking.
What? You don’t like someone taking care of you?
I snorted. Like that really mattered. I could take care of myself without too many issues.
Other than the three months of back rent I owed and my increasing debts, I had everything under control. I had a crummy apartment. I had a best friend. I had a family.
I don’t need him.
That wasn’t untrue. But something about the thought made me feel hollow inside. As grand and void as the apartment I occupied with my little bookshelves and little furniture. Andres renovated that space just for me. He had shelves installed in the living room for me to expand my book collection. He mounted the television in my room for days when I didn’t want to leave my bed.
The trim of the kitchen had shelves installed as well for my figurine collection, and then he had a reading nook added too. He thought of all those things before I moved in, and he had them done in the span of twelve hours. Izdor, Xavier, and Spencer had done all that on Andres’s dime.
It didn’t seem like a temporary thing to do. What would he need that for after I moved out? Did he think I was going to stay forever?
My spine straightened like a rod.Did he want me to stay?
Crap, that didn’t make me feel much better. He planned an entire honeymoon in a matter of minutes, booked us a secret tour of an underground zoo, and made sure to get all the snacks I loved packed into that suite. We were barely there for twenty-four hours. I’d thrown it all in his face.
Was he just performing or was he just being nice? I couldn’t tell. And I wasn’t sure if I wanted an answer to that because then I’d have to think about the fact that I had feelings for him.
Feelings, likerealfeelings sat in my gut as heavy as rocks at the bottom of a lake. The guy was throwing me all sorts of considerations. He was checking on me. He was just doing stuff to do stuff at this point. It wasn’t his job to fix my mood in his apartment. He’d been very much right about that.
But goodness, I really threw him through the ringer with my mood.
What’s wrong with me?
Goddess, what wasn’t wrong? I’d been by myself for so long that I forgot what it was like sharing space with other people. And while my parents had cared for me very much growing up, they were taking advantage of me playing Switzerland with them. I was tired of being in the middle.
Andres made all that go away. He gave me options. And when I didn’t feel like choosing anything, he made everything happen without a complaint. He didn’t seem to hold anything over my head either. Mom would have done that. She would have snapped at me for my attitude and tossed me to my father like a weak cub to a predator. Dad would just judge me silently.
Honestly, I’d rather get picked apart verbally than get the silent treatment. What an awful way to exist for a kid. How was it that I never saw anything wrong with that at the time?
Because kids are supposed to trust their parents.
I glared with angry tears at the dark meadow. The tops of the grass bowed with the wind in swirling circles and ovals. Leaves tumbled around me, snatched up by the unforgiving breeze. Branches crackled and snapped in the woods behind me. Nature had me cradled. It helped. But I wanted so much more.
I didn’t want to be by myself anymore.
Originally, I assumed Andres would turn me into something else. I thought he brought out the bad in me when really he was just testing my limits. He was trying to get me to react how I would react, not how other people wanted me to act. That luncheon showed me how out of place I felt in my own family. The crowd had been too big, and the smiles had been too many.
Upstairs in my bedroom, I found shelter, and I found it in Andres.
If I could just get back to that time, then maybe I could reverse whatever damage I had done to us. Maybe I could salvage everything by running right back to him and telling him everything.
I stood up. What would he think of me? Would he point and laugh victoriously that he was right about the fake smiles? Or would he embrace me?
I had a feeling I already knew. And that was enough to make me turn back around.
Instinct took over when the sound of wings sent me back into the grass. I laid low for a bit while watching the skies, noticing the flap of wings growing louder. Eventually, two figures with angelic wings flew overhead, and I realized it was Izdor and Juriah. They were just going for a late-night stroll much like I had done.
Part of me wanted to wave them down and ask about what their romantic lives were like. Did they make mistakes? Did they ever give people second chances? Were they scared of things? Angels didn’t seem scared. But then again, successful giants like Mr. Big Shot Andres didn’t appear to be toppled by much.
But that face he made at the house told me otherwise. Betrayal sketched his features when I said that the situation had served its purpose. He was probably packing up my things right now and getting ready to throw them on the lawn. Wait, did people really do that? Maybe I should start running home.
Fear turned to anguish as I shifted into my wolf form and darted into the trees. Several minutes of overexerting my strength later, I ran up the steps of the porch and shifted on the doorstep leading into the kitchen. The door was still wide open. There were clothes neatly folded next to do.
“You’ve got be kidding me,” I said while lifting them. “No way—”
