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I coughed and chuckled simultaneously. “That’s ridiculous, Bella.”
“Why haven’t you just told him the truth?”
I didn’t understand why my friend was pushing me so hard about that. Didn’t she get it? I was damaged goods. I was no use in a relationship. I didn’t even want a mate. I didn’t want to get caught in the cycle of arguments the same as my parents. There isn’t much love left after so long under the same roof.
I was destined for the same fate.
“Because,” I hissed, “it’s not worth doing when it’s just going to fall apart in the end.”
She whistled. “Damn, that’s called self-sabotage.”
I smacked my forehead. “You don’t know that.”
“I know you, Sadie. I know you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel good, and it sounds like Andres did that. It sounds like you’re just scared of becoming your mother.”
Was that really what it boiled down to? I just couldn’t stand thinking about it.
Bella scooted toward me and took my hand. “I’ve watched that woman tear you apart for being late to breakfast.To breakfast, Sadie.”
A great wave crashed over my chest, and then the tears hit seconds later. I was full-on crying by the time I tried to take another sip of wine.
“She’s demanded that you fix things that weren’t your job to fix. She’s tried keeping you from having a good life because she doesn’t want to face the end ofherrelationship.” She rubbed my hand lovingly. “She’s been holding you back because she’s afraid to lose everything.”
Hot tears soaked my neck. “I…know…but…”
“There’s no excusing that, Sadie. It’s not right for her to rely on you like that. It’s unhealthy emotional dependence.”
I shuddered. “But…”
“It’s time to cut the cord, Sadie. It’s time for you to stand up and take your life back. And I think you want to do that by choosing to be with Andres.”
She was right.
Everything she said was right. I hated hearing the truth so boldly stated out loud, but it had been in my head for years. People had been too polite to say a word about it, caught in their own curiosities about the drama of my parents’ marriage falling apart. But goddess, it was just all true.
My mother had been using me to avoid taking accountability for her stuff. And I was using that to keep Andres at bay. It was just one, big cycle of crap that stunk to high heaven and made me nauseous to think about. I shouldn’t have left the house where Andres had welcomed me. I shouldn’t have dragged all my things over here.
What was Andres thinking right now?
I grabbed my phone. I couldn’t really see through the veil of tears, but I did my best to check my messages. One way to get my mother to leave me alone was to tell her the truth. Once and for all, I had to end the unhealthy parts of our relationship. I had to tell her to stay out of my business. I would do the same with father too.
Bella gently slid the glass from my hand so I could focus on my task. Maybe she knew what I was trying to do, or maybe she just didn’t want her fuzzy blanket to get stained with red wine. Either way, it freed up my hands to wipe my face and hold up my phone.
I sent my mother a text explaining very simply that Andres and I were pretending to be in a relationship so she would stop bothering me. A few minutes went by. Then ten. I stared at the screen, trying to determine whether she would respond with a huge paragraph chastising me or one word.
This was it. This was the thing Bella was talking about, the wretched cycle. I was relying too much on my mother to provide approval. And I might have known that at some point subconsciously. But now that it was staring me in the face, it made me feel sick.
I didn’t want her approval. I just wanted to be free.
A new text popped up. Mom replied simply, “That’s okay. You can always find another husband.”
And that was that. None of her typical sass came out, and somehow that made it more frightening to handle. It was too much to look at, so I set my phone down and accepted the glass of wine back.
“I’ll go talk to Andres tomorrow,” I told Bella. “I won’t take up too much of your space.”
She smiled warmly. “Honey, you can stay as long as you need.”
“What if that’s forever?”
