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“Ian…”
My heart shattered into a million pieces.
“Last night was…just a one-time thing.”
It took all my strength to keep my composure, not to scream and throw things, not to break down into tears.
“It was just a moment, and that moment has passed.” When I didn’t say anything, she found the courage to look at me. “We were both upset…and needed the comfort.”
“You still love me, Avice.”
“Of course I still love you—”
“Then be with me. You can’t make love to me and act like it meant nothing.”
She released a deep sigh. “I’m not saying it meant nothing, Ian.”
“If you even want me to touch you, that means you must be over what happened.”
“Over what happened?” she asked. “You mean you screwing another woman? No, I’ll never be over that.”
I probably shouldn’t have even mentioned it, even though we were both thinking it. “We can’t have a night like that unless we’re both still in the same place emotionally. Even if it was just for comfort, that’s not how you would have wanted comfort if you were still hurt. You still want this, but now that you’ve had it and it’s fucking beautiful, you’re scared to get hurt again.”
Her eyes turned cold. “And do you blame me?”
“Avice, you need to forgive me—”
“I’m required to do no such thing.”
“I’ve forgiven you for pushing me away. I’m ready to start over—”
“Pushing someone away isn’t the same thing as cheating on them.”
Now we were yelling at each other like a couple on the brink of divorce. A beautiful night had come at a price—heartbreak. I took a moment to breathe, to try to figure out a way to navigate through this. “Avice…I’m insanely in love with you. I want to be a family again. Please…just give me another chance.”
She looked at her coffee again, dismissing me. “I’ll always love you, Ian. But I’ll never trust you again. Please…just go.” She kept her head down, like she didn’t want to watch me grab my things and leave.
Frozen to the spot, I didn’t know what to do. “Avice…please.”
“I’m sorry, Ian. Please…just go.”
* * *
I returned to the castle, feeling worse than when I’d left. I stopped by Huntley’s bedchambers, but he wasn’t there. I wouldn’t tell him what happened with Avice, not when there were more important things to worry about right now. I went to my mother’s chambers afterward, finding her sitting on her throne.
“Ian.” She rose to her feet in a hurry. “Where have you been?”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“Huntley left for Delacroix. We got a letter from Ivory saying that Harlow had returned.”
I closed my eyes as the breath left my lungs. “Fuck, that’s good news.”
“Your brother left in the middle of the night. We tried to find you, but you weren’t in your bedchambers.” There was accusation in that stare—hard accusation.
I’d boasted about my conquests as a young man, but after I found Avice, I never shared those details with anyone—not even my brother. Out of respect for her, I wouldn’t do it now, even though she’d just carved me with a butter knife.
“Spending your nights at the whorehouse won’t repair your marriage, Ian.”
