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Say that.Instead, I tell him, “Well, I’m about to be an uncle, and I don’t want to miss little Nicky’s first steps.”
“Little Nicky?”
“It’s a perfect name for all genders.”
“Can you stop fucking around for a second and explain what’s actually going on between you and Lily?” Luca turns his torso to face me. “Nico, we’re starting a family, which meansbothof you are going to be involved. If things get weird—”
“I love her.”
There.
A word so small, just four little letters, which barely scratches the surface of what I feel for Lily Rodin.
Luca’s paddle comes out of nowhere and collides with my arm.
The entire kayak flips over in a flash, tossing us into the water. We quickly breach the surface, each of us grasping onto the hull for support.
“At least the water isn’t freezing,” I suggest trying to break the tension.
“You love Lily? How?”
I don’t know what to say. “It just happened.”
“No.” We work to flip the kayak right side up. “How do you know you love her?”
“I—I just do. I’ve never been in love before, but I’m pretty sure what I’m feeling is exactly whatMamiandPapihave, and you and Ave.” We float in the water for a few moments, and my brother’s eyes sear into me. And I’m not sure if I should take it as a sign to keep explaining the things I’ve never said out loud before. “I don’t ever want to be away from her. Somehow, I feel happier making Lily smile than at any other time in my life, and apart from all that, she lets me be entirely myself.”
“Have you told her any of this?”
“Sort of.” I lean my head on the kayak for a moment. “She keeps insisting she doesn’t want a relationship.”
“Has she told you why?”
“Because I live in California, don’t stay in one place too long, sometimes forget to charge my phone and disregard our plans.”
Although the last two haven’t happened in a couple of weeks. I’ve been consciously trying to be different for her and myself.
My brother’s stone exterior breaks for a moment, and a burst of kindness seeps into his face. “Anything more tangible?”
Not really.
As much as she has opened up, she’s also an expert at keeping me at arm’s length. The actual reason behind her phobia of commitment hasn’t yet come to light.
“I guess not.”
He frowns. “Have you asked why she hasn’t had a relationship in a decade?”
Is everyone aware of what happened in her last relationship except for me?
Luca takes my silence for an answer. “If Lily’s saying she doesn’t want a relationship, you should probably listen to her. Commitments take a lot of hard work, communication, and trust. It’s not all sex and long glances across the dinner table.”
That’s not at all how it feels with Lily. “She makes me want to be a better man, Luca. A man who works on the relationship and himself, no matter the obstacles.”
“Look, Nico.” He sighs the same way he does when a lecture is coming along. This time, I have no interest in tuning out. No way I’m fucking up the one thing that has made me feel at home.I need all the help I can get.“It only took Avery a few seconds to put together that you were under the bed on your first morning here. No matter how much you think you’re sneaking around in the mornings, we know. My wife’s already talking about the four of us raising our kids together.”
“Maybe we can,” I say hopefully. He sends a large splash of water into my face. “How did Ave fall in love with you? It’s surely not your workaholic personality.”
Never thought I’d be asking my older robot brother for love advice, but here we are.
