AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I trace my fingers over the cover and realize maybe, somewhere deep down, I’m secretly a masochist.
I flip to the first page.
* * *
* * *
All the emotions that I’ve been suppressing come tumbling out of me like a sudden storm.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck. What have I done?” I cry, and my voice catapults into a violent sob.
Nico spent the summer being patient with me and proving to me, time and time again, that he was willing to grow and change, but I pushed him away.
I couldn’t even consider the possibility that working on myself and loving him could co-exist in the same space in my life.
Could they?
Don’t people say you have to be whole before loving someone else?
I force myself to feel the ache in my chest as the realization that I deserve a healthy love with him finally explodes inside of me.
I deserve to work through my fears about the lawsuit. I deserve to finally silence Chuck’s voice in my head, figure out college, and acknowledge Zoe Mona’s place in my life.
How could I have been so foolish as to not let Nico in when he practically begged to help me grow and support me?
I pull out my phone, wiping away my tears.
Lily
Hey Mol, can you send me a list of your therapists when you get a minute? I need to talk to someone about what happened this summer.
Chapter41
Lily
I lieon the carpet of the upstairs living room of my roommate’s townhome while she and Avery circle around me in their long, flowy, rich-widow robes. Clouds of burning sage waft around us, filling the space with smoke.
I doubt this is what my therapist, Miriam, had in mind when she recommended I have a cleansing ritual with my closest friends. But here we are, three grown women attempting a smudging ceremony.
“This is definitely not doing what you think it’s supposed to be doing,” I manage between coughs.
“Shh.” Molly waves a bundle of sage in front of my face again. “We have to do this for the full five minutes or your energy won’t be cleansed.”
Avery shrugs beside her and continues hovering her own bundle of sage over me in figure-eight patterns.
Going to therapy these past few weeks has been nothing like I’d imagined it would be.
I genuinely thought I’d be lying on a couch while a therapist showed me pictures of ink blots.
Instead, I have meetings twice a week via video call in the comfort of my own bedroom.
Miriam is such a good fit; she’s always patient and understanding. It’s been a journey to fill her in on my life.
It became evident pretty quickly that I’d never fully closed the door on Chuck or let myself heal from the festering wound of his infidelity. The best course of action was to avoid isolating myself, as much as I wanted to, while I process my new reality.
My friends rushed back to the city once I let them know I was home. The last two weeks, I’ve made an effort to lean on them for support—as uncomfortable and new as it has been for me to do so.
Whether it’s going to eat udon with Avery or a dance class with Molly, I’ve been feeling a bit more aliveagain.
