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But…Hi, I’m Lily ‘Zoe Mona’ Rodin, and I’m in love.
I’ve done some serious healing lately, which also means I wrote a book to tell you all about it.
Secrets, Sex, and Sunflowersby Lily Rodin will be my first full-length novel and I hope to release it early next year.
I hope you stick around for this next adventure.
Kisses from me to you,
Lily Rodin
* * *
Miriam smiles brightlyat me through my laptop screen. “Lily, I’m truly impressed with the work you’ve been putting in to manage the stressors in your life right now and all of the progress you’re making to move forward.”
I can’t help the blush itching up my neck. Getting compliments from my therapist has stroked my praise kink on a whole new level.
“Thanks for helping me draft this text for Nico. I’m still nervous about sending it, but I think I’m finally ready to reach out.” I shift around in my desk chair and catch sight of the paragraph I typed out for Nico displayed on my phone.
“I think you are too, and just remember that whatever happens, even if he doesn’t give you the response you want, everything will be okay. You may have to give him time now, but that’s not a bad thing.”
The tightness in my chest grows, and I swallow a calming breath as best as I can. I know I need to prepare for the possibility that Nico won’t want to pick up where we left off. However, I hope that he’ll still consider giving me a chance after the time I took to heal.
“I really appreciate it, Miriam. I’ll see you at the same time in two days.”
I shut my laptop and sit with my thoughts for a few more moments—a technique I’ve learned to help me stay grounded in my emotions rather than running away from them.
It would be a lie to pretend that six weeks of therapy twice a week haven’t been taxing, yet they’ve been incredibly worth it.
I’m also hopeful that, over time, my sessions will equip me to do thislove thing right for the first and maybe last time.
I may not be perfect, but I’m willing to put in the work now. The same way Nico did this summer. He committed to growing for himself and for me, but I foolishly didn’t think I needed to change. I owe myself, and whatever future I hope to have with him, the opportunity to let go of the toxic coping mechanisms I’ve relied on for almost a decade.
I put walls up around me, pretending I was some kind of heartless woman who was stronger without vulnerabilities.
But emotions don’t make you less than, they make you human.
Feeling them and experiencing them is healthy.
Asking for support is a sign of bravery, not weakness.
Now, after finally accepting my reality and the steps I need to take to move forward in my life, I’m ready to break the silence between us.
I stare at the message Miriam and I worked on in today’s session. My fingers hover over the send button.
I take one final deep breath and hit send.
Lily
Hey Nico. I just want to start off by saying thank you for giving me space. After some time to reflect, I need to apologize for how I acted this summer. I’m sorry that I didn’t let you in, despite you repeatedly showing me that you were willing to put in the work for yourself and for us. If you’re still willing to give this a shot, I’d love to see you and talk about this in person.
My stomach somersaults when the wall of text populates the screen.
I can’t believe I just did that.
Ugh.
What if he doesn’t reply?
