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“I looked, okay?” I stand and pace aimlessly around the living room. “I checked your messages like I said I would. But the only ones that were there were from before the trip.” My eyes skip over the grin on his face, avoiding eye contact altogether. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Are you jealous, Lily Rodin?”
“No way.” I brush him off. “Answer the question.”
“The only person I’m interested in talking to is here.”
My hands swipe at my face.Great. I probably have streaks of mascara down my cheeks. At least now, I’ll look unkempt enough to match my ridiculous outburst.
“Haveyoubeen talking to anyone?” he asks.
No. Of course not.
“You know what, I—I don’t want to know,” he says.
My only messages are the regular flood of scrubs liking every picture I post and the DMs Chuck keeps hounding me with, all of which are measly emoji reactions to my every selfie. Lastly, there’s a text that Diego sent me the other night.
Which consisted ofAre you having fun in Rio?Subtext: Wanna fuck?
And me responding withBest time of my life. Subtext: Not at all.
“There hasn’t been a single person since we took shots at the Mademoiselle,” I say.
“Yeah, and you met my last date.”
The flutter in my chest returns, annoying and nagging and all too heavy with relief. “You haven’t talked to Renée again?”
“No, I didn’t sleep with her either. As I’ve said, the only person I want to be with is you.”
Beneath me, the hardwood floor turns into quicksand. “In a friends-with-benefits type of way,right?”
“Sure. I’m going to go take a shower.” Nico winks and walks into his room.
I stand motionless.
Are we digging ourselves too deep?
Let’s check the facts.
We both aren’t talking to other people. He buys me clothes, takes me to dinner, and lately, has been treating me like there’s royal blood in my veins. Every time I look at him, my body erupts with arousal like an overeager volcano.
This has to be the norm. I mean, I’ve never been in a friends-with-benefits relationship before, and all ofthissimply must be part of it. There’s no other explanation for what happens when I’m around him.
But maybe I want to do something for Nico in return. I bite my lip.
Time to make an exception to my own decade-long promise.
* * *
June 24th
Hey,my favorite lovers,
Word on the street is a few strokes of the tongue, and you can blow a man away. I’ve always loved a good conversation, so let’s see if the lucky someone who’s left me entirely speechless can help me find my voice again. #howmanyinchesistoomany #firstblowjobinyears
Kisses from me to you,
Zoe Mona
