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I go to tell her exactly that as she unravels her paper and leans over to me. “Uh.” Her eyes narrow, as if she’s reconsidering her decision. “I don’t orgasm during sex.”
“What?” My eyebrows knot together. Jesus, I hate myself for my lack of decorum. But she’s twenty-six years old and never had an orgasm during sex? What about with herself?
Inexplicable uneasiness folds over my body.
“I know, it’s so embarrassing. I don’t even know why I said anything. I think I’m just doing something wro—”
“I’m sorry, I’m going to interrupt you.” My fingers grip the blanket on top of my lap. “There’s absolutely no possibility, in any scenario, that you’re doing something wrong.”
“You’re sweet for saying that.”
“I’m not trying to appease you. Is it something you struggle to experience…” I pause for a moment. Diving into my fake girlfriend’s sex life may be crossing all sorts of lines, but I need to know. “When you’re alone?”
She shakes her head. “No, um, no issues with that. It just takes me a long time to get, uh…” She scoots closer to me and lowers her voice. “Therewith someone and, well, oftentimes, the wait for me to dothatkind of ruins the experience.”
My frustration morphs into red-hot anger. On what green earth does making a woman come ruin the experience? I hate that someone hasn’t taken the time to give her absolutely everything she deserves.
I inhale a sharp breath, a heaviness settling in my chest.“You’re not ruining anyone’s experience.” My voice is flat. “It’s the people you’ve been with,” I say through a clenched jaw. “Any man who doesn’t focus onyourpleasure before his own isn’t worth a second of your time.”
“It sounds selfish when you put it that way,” Molly whispers, her fingers fuss with her note.
“Sexisselfish, Molly. It’s selfish to want to take every inch of your partner for yourself, to crave, want, and ache for someone. Any prick who was lucky enough to be with a woman like you and didn’t spend every single minute of it taking you all for myself…” Her eyes widen.Did I just say that?“Forthemselves. Himself. Uh—” I clear my throat. “What I’m trying to say is…he isn’t worth a damn.”
The plush curve of her bottom lip drops open, glistening in the soft light of the room. She straightens her spine. “How can you be so sure?”
“Because if I were in their shoes, I’d work tirelessly to show you colors you’d only see while you’re with me.”
Dormant feelings push past the dust and blockage.Virility returns to my veins.
Dammit. I want her.
That kiss in the library.
This woman.
I’m not sure how much longer I can keep pretending this suffocating attraction means nothing.
“Oh—that’s—wow, um.” As much as she tries to hide her reaction to my words, the rise of her smile is obvious. I’ve gone too far. “Enough about me; what’s on your note?”
My note.
I almost forgot.
The sheet is crumpled in my fist, and I unravel it, reading my own handwriting.
I can’t have children.
“Uh—” I scramble for something to say. I’m not ready to share this part of myself yet. “I can never give someone what they truly want.”
“What does that mean?” She angles her neck toward me, clearly wanting an explanation.“Does it have anything to do with your previous relationship?”
Crap. “That was a really long time ago. I only meant to say that I can’t give a partner my everything.”
“I don’t know much, but from what you’ve just described, I mean, I think you could definitely give me an orgasm.” Her hand runs up her neck. “A hypothetical orgasm, is what I meant to say. And not even me—ha!” Molly forces a laugh, adorably flustered. “Just a someone. Anyone!”
I want to do that for her. But the reality of my own note reminds me why I can’t give in to my feelings. Being rejected by Molly would be devastating.
“I just don’t need something serious with someone.”My tone is more final than I intend. Molly flinches, the sparkle in her eyes dimming. “Look, these exercises were a bit intense. I’m going to head to the room for a reset.”
