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“Hey.”
“Hey.” She turned and rested her elbows on the console between us, looking contemplative.
I reached out and looped my finger through one of the hair ties around her wrist, using it to bring her hand to me so I could kiss her palm. Her skin was warm and soft.
With just that small touch, she visibly relaxed and reached out for me, and I met her halfway, hugging her tight. “Hey, pretty girl. How are you feeling? Honest answer.”
She pulled back just enough to look at me. “Scared. Conflicted. A little bit excited mixed with some self-sabotage tendencies I’m trying hard to fight.”
Her honesty used to drive me crazy, but right then I was grateful for how willingly she gave it. It was better to know. “What do you mean by self-sabotage? What does that look like for you?”
She shrugged. “Well, I have this whole it’s-not-you-it’s-me speech prepared in my head. And I keep wondering if this is a bad idea you talked me into because you’re so naturally persuasive. I like us as friends. I don’t want to lose that if we push for more.”
“What can I do to make it easier on you?”
Sadie rubbed her thumb along the edge of my jaw. “You’re doing it already. You let me say really dumb things and you don’t take them personally.”
“I’m the king of saying dumb things. Especially around you. But your feelings aren’t dumb. I’m thinking maybe we should, I don’t know, just go be our normal selves in there today. No sneaking around. No stressing about where we stand. We talk to Marcel and see what he wants us to do going forward. But we don’t have to say anything to anyone else.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. My usual thing is to just fall into a relationship and see where it goes. You totally called me out on that. With us, I want to choose it. It’s not going to be something that just happens. You’ll choose it and I’ll choose it. No persuading necessary.”
“Okay.” She dipped her head down, resting her forehead against my shoulder. “That’s sounds good.”
A comfortable silence settled between us while her fingers came up to play with the back of my hair.
“You realize that means no kissing once we leave this car.”
“No kissing?”
“None.”
“Well, then. We should make this good.” Sadie took my face in her hands and ever so slowly leaned in, making me lose my mind with her lips teasing mine until we really heated things up. I went to brace my hand on something and laid on the horn. Very subtle on my part.
Sadie laughed and glanced around the parking lot, but when no one came running at us, she gave me one last fierce kiss and then another, and then another, until in my peripheral I could see cars pulling in around us. Sadie leaned back against her seat and sighed. “I should probably go in first.”
“Yeah.” I tilted my head towards Rob, who had just gotten out of his car about ten yards away. He stopped to tuck in his shirt, missing a spot in the back that was hanging out.
As soon as he was out of sight, Sadie turned and looked at me. “Okay, I guess I’m heading in. See ya, kid.” She got out, put her bag over her shoulder, and strode towards the entrance. Just before I got out to follow, she stopped and glanced back with a wistful look that just about slayed me. That look was the hope I hadn’t realized I needed. Because being honest about her concerns was great, but it didn’t make them go away. What she said was true. I was naturally persuasive. What if in the end what she needed wasn’t me? How could I ever let her go?
Chapter 39 – Sadie
Keeping Rob and Wendy out of the loop lasted all of three days. They caught Denver absently playing with the back of my hair while we worked, and no amount of restless arm syndrome excuses swayed them into thinking otherwise.
Now I had two more people watching me and wondering what was going on. I was wondering, too, because the deeper my feelings for Denver grew, the more I wanted to keep him, and the more afraid I was to tell him. All that talk about risk and accepting the possibility of heartbreak? No, that had been me trying to prepare myself for it. But I didn’t want that. I wanted forever.
I wasn’t being honest with him at all, because the truth was, I was absolutely head over heels in love with him, and I was too chicken to say it. Like admitting it would jinx it or something. Talking to him about my fears was easy. Admitting my hope was a whole other level of vulnerable.
All of that was especially on my mind as I headed into Jenny’s bridal shower at her parents’ house on a Saturday, ready to field the questions and scrutiny I knew were coming. Jenny had invited my stepmom, Gina. Makayla was invited. So was Lauren, one of Denver’s old girlfriends, and she and Jenny still talked all the time. I arrived early, hoping I could later duck out when it was busiest and no one would notice or care.
Jenny’s mom answered the door and ushered me in, directing me to sign the guestbook. I put my envelope in the card basket next to it. I had given Jenny and Noah a night out—gift cards for movie tickets, dinner, and a dessert place I knew they liked.
“Sadie! Come sit by me!”
I looked up to see Makayla waving me over to sit by her on the couch. She was wearing a wide-legged tangerine-colored jumper that would have looked like a fashion crime on anyone else, but was adorable on her. She was early, too. Excellent. Way to start this off right. Jenny’s car was out front, so she was probably down the hall or in the kitchen.
Right as I sat down, Makayla asked, “How is Denver?” There was so much badly hidden regret on her face that I warred between wanting to get away from her immediately and wishing I could make her feel better.
