AllFreeNovel
Share Us
From outside the windows, I felt the warmth of the sun on my arm and the sounds of the city coming to life while I was dying inside. I told him everything that happened at thePlanet Xparty, the words pouring out of my mouth—a torrent of shame I needed to let out before pride dammed it back.
“Charlotte worked tirelessly to show me a better life, and I repaid her by leaving her alone with that bastard, Deacon.”
“But she is safe now,” Lucien said, his voice tinged with ice.
“Yes,” I said. “Safely away from me. She has an audition next week for a touring orchestra. They go all over Europe, and I know she’ll get in. She’s too good not to.”
“I was under the impression Charlotte felt out of touch with her music as of late. Since her brother passed?”
“She’s getting it back. Finding it again. This tour…it’s perfect for her. It’s her time. I know it, and I think she does too. And she…she wanted me to go with her,” I said, pain squeezing my heart. “But I can’t tag along. I’d just drag her down. She’s spent the last few months living for me. She needs to live for herself.”
“And you don’t think that’s a determination she can make on her own?”
“Of course she can,” I snapped. “And if I weren’t fucked up, I’d do whatever she wanted. But Iamfucked up—the party last night is proof enough. I can’t go with her and fuck that up too. She’d keep putting herself before me instead of concentrating on her music. And tour or no tour, I have to figure out how to live. If I can’t do that…I’m not good for her. Not how I am.”
Silence.
I shifted irritably. Admitting to screwing up is hard enough. It’s a million times worse when you can’t see the face of the person you’re admitting it to. I felt like a blindfolded captive waiting for the axe to fall. Or not.
Finally, Lucien’s chair creaked; I imagined he sat back, pondering, smoke wafting around his silver hair in lazy tendrils.
“The question remains, then, what are you going to do? You told Charlotte to wait for you. Wait for what?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.” I rubbed my hands over my face. “Feel free to share any bright ideas.”
“Noah,” Lucien said, “even if I had an answer, it is for you to discover. But I would remind you that you have the love of an extraordinary young woman. Please remember that before you bury yourself in self-hatred.”
Charlotte’s words back at the police station came back to haunt me.
“Deacon backed me into the corner of the elevator. He…gripped my chin. Hard. To pry my mouth open…”
I shuddered. “Too late.”
“Quoi?”
“Nothing.”
I rubbed the back of my head where a soft glow of pain began to swell. Apparently, the night wasn’t done being monumentally shitty; the Monster was waking.
“Migraine?” Lucien’s voice sounded sharper, jolted by concern.
I nodded and fished around in my tux jacket for my meds. Charlotte, of course, had thought to drop them into my pocket before we left for the party.
“I’m fucking hungover, too.”
The air tightened with Lucien’s surprise. “You drank?”
“Sure did. I’m just full of bad decisions tonight.”
I heard the chair squeak, footsteps over floorboards, and then a running faucet. Lucien returned and pressed a glass of water against my hand. I tossed back the Azapram, washed it down, then felt his hand on my shoulder.
“Come.”
He led me to his guest room that smelled clean but unused. I sat on the bed and immediately realized how tired I was. The headache was sluggish, slow. I thought the drugs and sleep would catch it before it blew up, but I didn’t care all that much.
Serve me right.
“There is a bathroom across from the bed on the left,” Lucien said. “After you’ve had a chance to rest, we’ll talk and perhaps a solution to your predicament will make itself known.”
