Page 114 of Rush: Deluxe Edition


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“Oui.”

I couldn’t drive it. I couldn’t even stash it somewhere and admire it. It was stowed in a garage in Miami, gathering dust. And yet, it hurt.

I’d spat the words before I could take them back. “Do it.”

Now, I mentally prepared myself to hear him tell me the car was gone. It shouldn’t have fucking mattered. It was for Charlotte after all, but it was quite literally the last remnant of my old life. An actual embodiment of the fast and dangerous lifestyle that was forever closed off to me.

“You found a buyer for the Camaro?”

“I did. The offer is quite generous, and the sale shall be finalized by the end of the week.”

I waited to feel supremely shitty about that, but instead it felt like a burden had been lifted.

This. This is the first step toward letting it all go. This moment, right here.

“The violin is another matter,” Lucien was saying. “There is an auction at Christie’s in The Hague for a Johannes Cuypers.”

“A what?”

“A fine violin. Exceptional.”

Exceptional. Exactly what Charlotte deserved. “Good. Get it.”

Lucien chuckled. “Would it were that simple. But I shall do my best to secure it for her before her tour begins.”

Business concluded, a silence fell between us. I could practically hear Lucien’s smile slide off his face.

“Go ahead,” I said. “Say it.”

“And what is it I am to say?”

“You think I’m making a mistake? Or being an asshole, to leave her like I did?”

“You would know that better than I,” Lucien replied evenly. “But am I concerned for her? Yes, of course.”

“It’s the best thing. And aren’t you always telling me that the best thing is rarely the easiest?”

“I have been known to use that phrase from time to time.”

“Well, this isn’t easy. It’s the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever done, so it has to be right.”

“Your conviction is admirable,” Lucien said, “but quite pointless if you haven’t any direction. My support of your leaving Charlotte—a young lady whom I love and cherish as if she were my own—is tolerable so long as you do what you promised. So?” He clapped his hands. “Allons-y. Braille classes? A seeing-eye dog? I’m quite certain there are facilities for the blind in which you can be taught how to live independently. Say the word, and I shall do or acquire anything you need.”

“I…don’t know.” I turned my coffee mug around and around. “I’m willing to take classes, I guess. But…it doesn’t feel right. Or enough. It doesn’t feel likeme.”

Lucien made anotherHmmsound, deep in his throat. “You need to find your epiphany, Noah,” he said flatly. “And quickly. Charlotte is suffering from your departure, yes? And you are quite miserable without her.”

“Miserable doesn’t begin to cut it.”

I heard a chair scrape; Lucien rose to his feet, his words rained down from on high. “Then it is imperative you answer the question,What will you do?with the right answer. And quickly, before it’s too late.”

chapter thirty-five

“Are you ready?” Melanie asked.

“I don’t know,” I said, and that was the truth. My stomach felt like it was trying to climb out of my guts, and yet my skin was strangely cool all over. “I’m scared and I’m calm at the same time. How is that possible?”

“You’re scared because you’re going to get this, and you’re calm because you know it’s supposed to happen.”

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