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What have you done for her?Ava’s question rebounded in my mind.
“Talk to me, Charlotte,” I said gently. “Please.”
“I can’t help but think about my violin. And my music. And my career, whatever that may be. I don’t know what it is anymore. Or what’s left of it.”
I took a breath, forced the words out. “The Vienna Touring Orchestra. Are you going to audition?”
“With what?” she asked, and her voice broke. “It’s gone. My violin is gone. My parents worked so hard…and it’s gone now, and I feel like an amputee. Which is so strange because I had begun to think I wouldn’t play anymore. Not professionally. But I miss it. And I miss it a lot, Noah. I miss Chris.” She began to cry in earnest now and I buried my face in her hair, feeling her grief as she shuddered against me.
“Go ahead, Charlotte,” I whispered. “It’s okay.”
“He’s really gone, isn’t he?”
“Yeah, baby, he is.”
She cried harder, clutching my arm, and I just held her, my heart aching for her.
“It all comes from the same place,” she whispered, her breath hitching. “My music and love and the passion I felt when I played. And when Chris died…it hurt so much to play, and I didn’t know why. But I think I know now.” She swallowed her tears, or maybe she’d finally run dry. “It feels unfair to move on when the ones we love can’t.”
I squeezed my eyes shut until they hurt. “I want you to be happy, Charlotte. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy.”
“I’m happy with you, Noah. Like nothing I’ve ever known.”
She turned to me and kissed me, and I tasted her salt tears and her sweetness and her love for me. Our kiss deepened quickly, and her desire burned away her tears, but I hesitated. She was so upset.
“I want to,” she breathed. “I want you, Noah. You make me feel like everything bad is so far away.”
She kissed me again and again, and I started to feel that peculiar feeling that was exhilarating and disorienting at once, where my world telescoped to nothing but Charlotte—her skin, her breath, the sweet softness of her body beneath mine. She slipped out of her shirt and panties, and then my body was flush with hers. Then joined. I drowned in the sensations, losing myself completely in her.
After, she snuggled up to me and sleep claimed her quickly; she’d exhausted herself, purging herself of the grief that had been weighing her down. And I believed her that she was happy, but it wasn’t enough. I could do more. Ihadto do more for her.
The next afternoon, before we said our goodbyes to my family, Ava took Charlotte aside for some “girl talk.” I used the opportunity to find Lucien and tell him what I wanted. I spoke in French so that if Charlotte came by—and I didn’t know it—she wouldn’t understand.
“Are you certain?” Lucien asked doubtfully, though I could hear he was pleased. “It may take some time.”
“I’m certain,” I said. “Do whatever it takes.”
I felt his hand on my shoulder. “Very good, my boy. Very good.”
chapter twenty-seven
The week leading up to thePlanet Xparty seemed to fly by, like a runaway train ready to jump its tracks. I went shopping with Melanie for a dress with all the enthusiasm of someone about to face dental surgery. A fancy party at a world-famous landmark should have given me pleasant jitters, and instead, my stomach twisted in knots that only seemed to tighten as the week progressed. Worse, Noah was distracted and jumpy, and I knew the idea of facing his oldPXcoworkers made him more nervous than he would admit.
“I still don’t see why you can’t just have a sit-down with your editor,” I told him on Thursday night.
“I have to go to the party. It’s the only way.”
“I don’t know what you mean. The only way?”
“To know if I have a career left atPlanet X. If I still belong there.”
He gathered me to him then, holding me tightly and inhaling deeply, as if drawing strength from me.
“No more living in one dark room,” he said against my hair, and I nodded. I understood. I wanted a fulfilling life for him. But the notion thatPlanet Xwasn’t the way had dug its claws into me and wouldn’t let go.
The night of the party arrived, and I put on my new dress: strapless with black chiffon that billowed prettily around my knees in diaphanous layers. I swept my unruly hair in a twist. A few tendrils escaped to frame my face, but it looked like I’d done it on purpose. Armed with makeup techniques from Sasha, I gave myself smoky eyes and glossy lips. Black strappy heels gave me a few extra inches so that when I slow danced with Noah, I’d be tucked perfectly under his chin. He’d said there was a DJ and live music, and I’d comforted myself with a vow that if nothing else, I’d dance with him and fulfill some strange daydream I’d had since the very first time I met him.
I stepped out of my room and ascended the stairs to the third floor, bound and determined to be as optimistic as I could. It was completely possible going back toPlanet Xwas perfect for Noah and that I was being ridiculous. Or maybe just nervous for myself. I’d been in New York City for five years, but “chic” or “elegant” weren’t words used to describe me, and I knew this party was going to be teeming with women who were both.Planet Xincorporated supermodels in some of its shoots, and Noah haddatedmore than one during his heyday. I’d seen the photographic evidence firsthand.
