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And even with the silent angel and demon on my shoulders…
I was more alone than I’d been before I’d had dinner with Bridget.
Chapter 13
Cory
Nothing I’d ever experienced came close to the ecstasy of sex with Matt.
And nothing came anywhere near the crushing hurt of realizing Andras and Raziel were back. What that meant.
Fuck.Really, Matt?
Yeah. Really. Because apparently in all the chaos and confusion, Matt—Matthew A. Russo, Esquire, ever the thorough and detail-oriented lawyer—had missed the part where Andras was just being crass about getting him laid. That was the only explanation I could land on. Because he’d thought getting dicked down would do the trick, but no, they’d been here to find him acompanion. More than a warm body with a hard cock. More than a hookup.
More than whatever he’d wanted from me last night.
Christ. Who knew I could actually feelworsethan I had when I’d wished Matt knew I was into him?
I muttered some curses as I rolled out of my otherwise empty bed and onto my feet. I was exhausted and drained like I’d never been before—so emotionally wrung out I could barely move—but I suddenly needed to take the hottest shower I could stand. I felt disgusting. The sex had been amazing, but now that Matt was gone…
How could I be so stupid?
That was easy enough—because Iwasstupid when it came to Matt. He was everything I wanted in a man, and for him, I’d been a means to an end. One that hadn’t even worked.
Letting the hot spray run over my back and shoulders, I rubbed my eyes and sighed. Maybe I should be grateful Andras and Raziel had been there. They’d been a bucket of ice water over an otherwise amazing moment, but they’d been a bucket of cold hardtruth. They’d shown themselves, and in doing so, they’d shown Matt for what he was.
Could I even be angry at him? If I’d had those two following me around, not to mention the clock ticking down on a very brief window of time when they wouldn’talwaysbe following me around, I’d have done desperate shit, too.
I just hadn’t imagined I’d be the thing Matt would do out of desperation.
My eyes stung. Why did I care if I cried? It wasn’t like anyone was going to see or hear me.
Probably because I hated this feeling, and I hated letting it crash over me the way it was so determined to do. But I was too exhausted and crushed to fight it, so… I didn’t.
I braced a hand against the cold wall to keep my balance, and I let the dam break. Let myself feel the hurt of knowing—not just suspecting, butknowing—that Matt was out of my league. Let that amazing sex replay in my mind alongside the reality that it hadn’t been anything to him. Nothing except an orgasm and—he’d hoped—what he needed to break a curse.
Where the fuck did all that leave me?
It doesn’t matter to Matt.
That hit me in the chest. No, I didn’t know where this left me, but the fact that it didn’t matter to him… That he’d happily used me to try to get out of the agreement his dumb ass had made with the fae…
I kind of wanted to rescind my offer to let him use my favor from the Trickster King, but… no. No, I couldn’t do that, and I wouldn’t.
Because fuck me, but no matter what Matt did, no matter how little he cared about me…
I still loved him.
I’d still do any goddamned thing for him.
I squeezed my eyes shut as more hot tears slid free.
Would you even care if you knew what you were doing to me, Matt?
In that moment, I was glad he’d left. I was relieved he wasn’t here for me to ask.
Because I really didn’t want to know.
