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Darren grunted in acknowledgement.
Truth was, Tanner had offered to see if one of the other players’ partners could get me into their suite. An invite from one of the spouses or partners was required unless Tanner and I were married, so I had to go through one of them.
I’d declined for the same reason I’d told Darren. The part I hadn’t told either of them was that I wasn’t so sure I wanted to be up there with the women his teammates dated or that one left winger’s husband. I wasn’t stupid. I’d been a fan of the Yellow Jackets long enough to have seen photos of who they dated and married.
Spoiler: None of them were dating or married to Average Joe the Schoolteacher who was more likely to be mistaken for an arena usher than recognized as a player’s partner.
No, thanks. They were undoubtedly perfectly nice people, but I got self-conscious enough around Tanner. Even now, I sometimes looked at him, then myself, and wound up with a knot of insecurity in my stomach. I didn’t need to pretend I was a peer of actual professional models.
Darren and I stepped through the gate into the parking lot, and we reached my truck first. His was several spaces down, but we stopped by mine.
Studying me, he tilted his head. “You good, man?” He gestured toward the arena we’d left behind. “You know the team won, right?”
“Yeah, Yeah. I’m… I know. And I’m good.” Though my mood really didn’t quite fit the evening we’d just had. The game had been a wild one—a nailbiter with two Pittsburgh goals that would be on highlight reels until the end of time and one hell of a buzzer beater—but I felt about the same as if we were leaving after a tough loss. I just felt shitty.
No big shock—that was what always happened when my mind got into itsI’m not good enoughspiral. Which happened a lot now that I was with a man who waspainfullyfar out of my league.
“Isaiah?” The concern in Darren’s expression intensified. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. I’m…” I glanced back at the arena just because I couldn’t quite look him in the eye. “Still kind of hard to believe I’m dating a player, you know?”
“Um, yeah?” He sounded confused as all hell. When I chanced a look at him, his expression backed that up. “But… why do you sound depressed about it?”
“I’m not. Not at all. He’s…” I laughed halfheartedly. “He’s a great guy, and…” I thought about it, trying to figure out how to put it into words. Finally, I just blurted out, “What do I even have to offer someone like him?”
Darren jumped like I’d slapped him. “What?” But before I could clarify, he rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Nah, man. Don’t do that to yourself.” He gestured at his own face and body. “I pulled a lawyer. A hot one.” Motioning to me, he added, “No reason you can’t get yourself a hockey-playing sugar daddy.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. Darren had about three years on me, and we were about the same aesthetically—completely average white dudes with some weight we could definitely afford to lose but weren’t panicking over. Neither of us would be gracing the cover of a magazine any time soon, and we didn’t have students’ dads insisting on coming to all of our parent-teacher conferences to keep their wives from being alone with us (the ridiculously hot silver fox in the English department had caused strife in multiple parent marriages just for existing).
And yes, Darren had landed a high-powered lawyer who made enough money that he could stop teaching if he wanted to. And yes, even I, a gay man, could plainly see why straight guys forgot how to speak around her.
Was she out of his league? A lot of people—including Darren—said she absolutely was. I wanted to say she wasn’t, both because I thought they were amazing together and because…
Well, because admitting they’d made it work while she was out of his league would mean admitting that Tanner and I could work, and I was terrified of getting my hopes up about him.
I sighed, shifting my jersey and jacket onto my other arm. “Okay, point taken. But… I don’t know. He’s also younger than me, and he could—I mean, am I deluding myself? Thinking this could have some actual staying power? Because I really fucking like him, but—”
“And he really fucking likes you.” Darren shook his head. “Man, he’s been doing you for, what, a few weeks now? Couple of months?”
“Something like that, yeah.”
“Right. And he’s still coming back for more?” He gave my shoulder a smack. “Pretty sure if he wanted to find someone else, he’d have done it by now.”
I chewed the inside of my cheek. Darren did make a valid point. So why couldn’t I make myself believe it?
Darren eyed me. “Whatever your ex is saying inside your idiot brain? He’s lying. Same as always.”
I blinked. “You’re getting good at this.”
“No, I’ve just been around long enough to know how much of a hold he has on you.” He huffed out a breath. “If that asshole doesn’t shut the fuck up, I’m going to drag you to church for an exorcism.”
I almost choked on my own breath. “Since when do you go to church?”
“I do when my friend clearly has the Ghost of Gaslighting Past stuck inside his skull.”
“Oh.”
He nudged my shoulder. “Your ex was a dick. He said all that shit to justify being a dick to you.” Shaking his head, Darren added, “Don’t let him fuck up this thing with Tanner.”
