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His remorse is evident on his face, and he swallows hard. “I wanted to give you the news in person. My publishing house has asked me to create a proposal for a new five-book series.”
My hip rests against the doorframe, and I cross my arms over my chest. Maybe this’ll keep me from reaching for him like I desperately want to. “Congratulations. But what’s that got to do with me?”
“I want it to beourproposal,” he clarifies with a warm smile, taking another half-step forward.
“Seems too soon for a proposal, if you ask me,” Rose mutters from beside me. Subtly lifting her nose in the air, she conveys her hesitance. “We barely know this man and he seems a bit unsavory.”
That may be true, but I want to hear what he has to say even if he doesn’t deserve my time. “Thank you, Rose,” I dismiss with a volume louder than necessary. “I think I have it from here.”
She reluctantly heads home after kissing me on the cheek and warning Nate with a stern, grandmotherly look.
I stare at him for a moment before relenting. “I suppose you can come on in.”
He follows me inside and joins me on the couch, where we sit—stiff and awkward—next to each other. Not at all cozy like we were just a few days ago.
His fingers drum anxiously on top of his knee, then he finally breaks the ice. “So, five books is a great offer, but developing concepts for all of them is going to be a challenge.”
“Are you stuck?” I side-eye him while picking at the corner of a throw pillow.
His rich, baritone laugh rocks through me, and I realize how much I’ve missed it, even if it has only been a few days. “Stuck in more ways than one. I tried booking this place again, but it wasn’t available. I have no idea where I’m sleeping tonight.”
“Oh. I, um, turned off the listing,” I explain, resisting the urge to face him.
With a frustrated sigh, he stands and paces in front of me. “Fuck, Teddie. I’m sorry. I know I’m a terrible asshole, but I—” He grips his thick, dark hair with both hands, searching for the right words. “I’m no good at relationships, you know? I do better at writing them than being in them because I get caught up in my own head. And I know I come off as a dick sometimes. Well,allthe time. But I swear I don’t mean to. I just tend to be more factual than emotional, which apparently is off-putting to some people.”
He’s distressed and I want to comfort him, but we’re not there yet. He’s taken a significant first step by returning, but I’m still hurt that he left to begin with. My emotions are at war as I bite my lip. “Maybe you haven’t found the right woman to be with. Someone who understands all of that.” I glance up at him through my eyelashes to gauge his reaction.
Stopping in front of me, he nods slowly. “I suppose that’s true.”
“And you weren’t a dick to me when you were here. Not the whole time, anyway.” Regret flashes across his face as he registers what I’ve implied. “Maybe it took you a minute to warm up to this place, but then we fell into an easy routine. And it worked for us.” I shrug as my mouth shifts into a lopsided smile. “I liked taking care of you, Nate. Making sure you ate, fixing your coffee just the way you like it. I loved our midday breaks on the lanai, rocking in the porch swing.”
He crouches down to my eye-level. “It felt good, didn’t it?”
“It did. But my favorite part of the day was helping with your book, escaping into the fictional world you created.” Warmth spreads through me, and my mood brightens, my gestures becoming animated. “It was like magic happening in my very own living room. Something extraordinary manifesting between the two of us.”
“It was. It still is,” he assures me while gazing into my eyes. “I’ve learned that the right person can bring out a completely different side of you, one you never even knew existed. That’s what you did for me, Teddie.”
“I did?” I’m surprised I had that kind of effect on him, but I’m happy I was able to. He certainly affected me and I never saw it coming.
“You did,” he confirms, rising to his feet and reclaiming his seat next to me. He lifts a hand to cup my cheek and I lean into his palm, relishing his touch. “Every minute I’m with you, I feel more like…me. Like I’m finally in my own skin and I don’t have to be anyone else. But, to be honest, it scares the shit outtame.”
I like Nate just as he is. I would never want him to pretend with me. “Why does it scare you?”
He caresses my cheek with his thumb. “My life back in New York is simple and familiar—a consistent schedule and minimal stress. But all the structure I built into that life kept me from actuallylivingit. It took my pain-in-the-ass brother pointing it out to make me realize… I was stuck. Bored and impassive and…unhappy.”
I take his hand in mine and lace our fingers together. Yeah, I probably should make him grovel more for what he said the last time we were together. But the vulnerability he’s showing calls to my compassionate heart, and I don’t have it in me to be petty right now. I want to be whatever he needs, knowing he’ll give me the same in return.
He lifts our joined hands to his lips and lightly kisses the tops of my knuckles, making me blush. “That’s why my writing dried up. I was missing that spark, that vibrant energy that makes the world brighter. But I found it again. Here, with you.”
He searches my eyes for a reaction, yet all I can offer him is confusion. “And being with me… scares you?”
“Not beingwithyou, beingwithoutyou, even though you deserve better. Because I always find a way to fuck things up, Teddie.”
“Yeah, I see that,” I laugh nervously while nodding my head. “Let’s maybe… stop doing that.”
“It’s a plan.” He grins before sobering his reaction. “I’m so fucking sorry for how I acted. Please say you forgive me. I’ll do anything you want.”
Now, this would be the time to make my demands. But I’m not that kind of girl. Because we all deserve grace and mercy, even when we say and do stupid things. Nate’s acknowledged that he was an idiot. Well, those are my words, not his. And I believe he’s learned from his mistakes and will do his best not to repeat them.
