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Nope, she doesn’t get to drop that and then turn away. Reaching around her, placing my hand on her cheek, I draw her back to look at me. “None of that makes any difference as to why we can’t be together. I know you feel the change between us. Can’t you?” I’m pushing her, which I know deep down she will be hating me for, but I can’t let this go now. I want her and she needs to know how much.
“Yes, and it scares me.”
“Me too,” I whisper as my lips softly touch hers on the side of her mouth. I don’t want to do anything she doesn’t want. Moving to the other side of her mouth, my second kiss is as soft as a feather, but the final one is when I can’t hold back. Her lack of resistance tells me she wants this too.
I can feel the goosebumps on her skin as I slide my hands around to the back of her neck. Pulling her gently that last few inches, our lips meet perfectly.
The roughness of mine, sliding over the pure velvety smoothness of her plump ones.
All sorts of craziness is running through my head, but I’m just ignoring it and living in this moment. I’ve got every chance of screwing this up forever, but I can’t risk losing this one chance I’m getting.
Pulling back for a second, I see the fire I’ve lit in her eyes.
“Tell me to stop.”Before I can’t turn back, Nat.
“I can’t.” They’re the last words that leave her lips as we both let go. Forgetting all the reasons why this is wrong and only thinking why it feels so right.
There is that scent again that sends my body wild. I remember it from the first night I kissed her. All-consuming as soon as I get so close to her. It’s not all expensive and fake like other girls. It’s just smooth and sensual. Subtle yet sweet, just like Nat.
To the chorus of the night, I lay her slowly down onto the blanket, her dark hair fanning out around her face. My hand comes back to her face and traces every feature. I want to memorize every inch of her for those tough times that are coming once I leave. Her slim, long nose, the high cheekbones, the almond-shaped dark brown eyes that look almost black in the night light. Twinkling with the reflection of the stars in them. But most of all, the swollen passionate lips that taste like heaven.
I’m embarrassed to say that any girl before Nat, I never looked at like a woman. The way I’m feeling, like I want to devour her, and all the chemistry around us is brand-new too.
Lying next to her, my chest over the top of her but holding my weight above her, I can see her apprehension.
“Talk to me, Nat.”
Shaking her head, she grabs my face with both her hands and pulls me to her. Taking control of the kiss. It’s no longer soft and tender. This is her showing me how she feels.
Hot, bothered, and wanting more.
“You need to tell me what you want. I’m not fucking this up,” I demand. I know what I want, but that means nothing. And I’m crazy for even thinking that it’s a good idea, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it anyway.
I can see her mind trying to make decisions that, like mine, are the wrong ones but wanting to do it anyway.
The words coming out of her mouth floor me and send me spiraling upward at the same time. “Jordan, I want you to have sex with me… I want to, umm… to, you know… to lose my virginity to you… I…”
Like a bucket of cold water being dumped over my head, I pull back from her and sit up on my knees looking down at her.
“Wait, what? That’s a lot…”
“I knew I shouldn’t have told you.” Nat tries to look away so I can’t see the tears building in her eyes.
“No, no, no, that’s not it. It’s just a lot to take in and totally unexpected.” I pull her to sit up so I can talk to her. “I mean, you haven’t even wanted to talk to me for months and now you want me to be that guy. You know, the one who is the first one. Shit, Natalie.” Running my hand through my hair, I don’t know what to say.
“It doesn’t mean anything. I just want it to be someone I trust not to hurt me. But it’s okay, I’ve totally wrecked the moment now.”
The hair on the back of my neck stands up instantly when I think of anyone else being the guy instead of me. Not happening.
Oh, my precious Natalie, like hell it doesn’t mean anything. But how do I explain that or even tell you what it will mean to me?
“Are you sure, Nat? Because I promise I would never hurt you, but the emotion that will come with this will be a lot. Are you prepared for that, like really prepared? I don’t want you regretting this.”
“I won’t regret it. I know I won’t. I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”
“What happens after tonight, Nat, have you thought about that?” My heart is beating hard with all the adrenaline surging through my body. Taking her hands in mine, I need to be touching her.
“You go to college and so do I, we get on with our lives and we look back on tonight as a beautiful memory that only we will share. You can’t ever tell Xavier.”
