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Natalie:Be nice, you are both my friends.
Big Foot:But I’m always the better friend. Admit it.
Natalie:Dream on. Got to go, I’m at Xavier’s watching the coverage.
Big Foot:Tell him I said hi. Bye, hometown girl.
Natalie:You’ll never stop with that, will you.
Big Foot:I told you I will if you let me take you on a date.
Natalie:Not happening. Bye from hometown girl.
Big Foot:You ruin all my fun. Bye.
Since the day I met him, Chase has joked with me about dating. He’s a good friend, and I could see that if I let my guard down, I could probably fall for him. There are two reasons I’m not going there, though. Firstly, I don’t want to be with someone who I need to work on falling for. If I didn’t fall for him all those years ago then it won’t change now. Secondly, I couldn’t do that to Jordan. They both play on the same team, and I have always told Jordan that I couldn’t live that lifestyle. To do it with someone else would feel like betrayal of everything I stood behind.
It took a while but eventually I got used to messaging with Jordan and talking to him like the friend he was in high school. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was what I’d chosen. Since he got married over two years ago, though, the messaging hasn’t been as frequent, and the calls only happen when Sasha isn’t home. I asked him once why that was, and he promised it was just a coincidence. I want to believe him, but I wouldn’t really know.
I’ve never met her face to face. Not that he hasn’t tried a few times to make it happen, I just can’t. I mean, look at her. She’s a well-known model for one of the top agencies and is just stunningly beautiful. Then there’s me! I spend every day in workout gear, my hair in a ponytail, no make-up because I just sweat it off anyway. I apply multiple layers of deodorant during the day. The idea of standing in the same room as her is so intimidating. She might be the nicest person on this earth, but I’ll still feel like the ugly duckling next to her.
Xavier went to the wedding. I accepted the invitation initially too, but when it came down to it, I just couldn’t bring myself to go. Faking sickness, I stayed home and stalked all the paparazzi pictures that of course hit the social media pages within minutes of them saying “I do.” Damn near ripped my heart out, but nothing I couldn’t get over.
He called me that night, but I didn’t answer.
Afterward he never mentioned the call, and I never asked anything either.
What he wanted to say to me will always be a mystery, and it’s probably better it stays that way.
No point rehashing the past.
ChapterTwelve
NATALIE
“Seriously, Nat, why did you even come if you were going to ignore me all night?” Xavier’s exasperated voice drags me out of my little bubble of texting and memories.
“What’s up your ass tonight? Not my fault you had a bad day at work.” Looking up, I see the broadcast has finished and both Xavier and Kane are staring at me.
“Well, if you hadn’t walked off and left me with Susanna on my own, it might not have been such a shitshow.” Standing with his empty beer in his hand, he signals to both of us, asking if we want another one.
“Not for me,” Kane responds. “I’ve got an early-morning shift tomorrow and I’m too old to wake up with a hangover. I try to think like the responsible policeman that I’m supposed to be.” He stands and picks up his empty and some of the plates from dinner.
“Yeah, I might head home too,” I say. “We have an early client to train in the morning, remember. And for the record, Susanna is not interested in me training her. She only has googly eyes for you, big brother.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of. I mean, who can blame her? I’m a studmuffin, look at me.”
Flexing his biceps, both Kane and I groan at him.
“Buddy, do you really think we care what the fuck the ladies think of you? We know the truth is that you will never match me in the looks department, so stop trying so hard.”
“And that’s my cue to leave,” I say. “I’m not standing here while you two get into a ‘who’s got the biggest dick’ competition. I love you both, but not that much. See you tomorrow, Xav, and Kane, you stay safe out there.”
Kissing my brother on the cheek, I head out the door before they can pull me into another conversation.
It’s been a long week and I just want to head home to bed.
Opening my front door always makes me feel like I can let down all my pretenses.
