Page 98 of Defining Us


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“I’d like that.”

His smile is like the fireworks on the Fourth of July lighting up the sky. “Me too.” With that, he helps me into the seat and then whisks me away into the night again.

Feeling so relaxed, I don’t ask what bar he’s taking me to, I’ll let him surprise me. Because even if he told me the name, I wouldn’t know it anyway. The vibration of the motor, the wine, an exceptional meal, and the emotional upheaval of today has me closing my eyes for a few minutes. Just trying to take it all in. Live in the moment.

The car pulls to a stop and Chase’s voice has me opening my eyes up again.

“Wake up, sleepyhead, you aren’t going to flake out on me, are you?”

“Nope, I’m good.” Embarrassed that I had closed my eyes, I sit up straighter and grab my bag. “Let’s go.”

We’re in some underground parkade, and I’m guessing this is not the kind of car you just park anywhere on the street near a bar. I can’t even imagine what it would’ve cost, but I know it’s more than I will ever make in my lifetime, wrapped up in a piece of metal.

We’re both silent in the elevator, and it seems to be heading high in the building, stopping two floors from the top. Waiting for the doors to open, I’m surprised I can’t hear the noise of the bar wafting in through to us. But as they slide open, it dawns on me why.

“Is this your apartment?” Of course it is, you idiot, that’s what he meant by a nightcap. It’s like saying do you want to come up for coffee. I’m so stupid.

“Yes. I’m sure it’s not quite as nice as the one you’re staying in, but it’s mine and something I never thought I would achieve in my life, so I’m proud of it.”

All his bravado is gone and the shy country boy is showing as he leaves his heart on his sleeve. He reaches out for my coat as I slip it off.

“It’s perfect, Chase, and it’s yours. That’s what makes it wonderful.” Walking forward, the view from the windows is different but the same. New York is so full of high-rise buildings and at night it just looks so pretty.

“The view never gets old, it’s so beautiful.” The hairs on the back of my neck are tingling and I can feel how close he is to me.

“That first night I met you I learned what beautiful was.” The softness in his voice whispering in my ear has my heart racing so fast and I’m trying to stay in control.

His lips place the gentlest kiss on the dip in between my neck and shoulder. My brain is screamingwhat are you doing?and my body is rising in excitement.

Shivers are racing down my spine and now cover my body as his hands settle on my waist.

“You’ve been lonely for too long, Nat.” The slow kisses keep coming as he works his way from my shoulder up my neck. My body is winning the fight as my head falls back on his shoulder and he takes my earlobe between his teeth and then licks below it, then sucking it into his mouth again. I don’t know the last time anyone made me feel so special. Like it was just me in this world.

Why have I waited so long to feel like this? I deserve to be treated like I matter.

Slowly he spins me around so I’m facing him. As he takes my face in his huge hands, I give in and let him kiss me.

His lips are on mine, and it feels nice, but my head is again gaining control.

Nice… I don’t want nice. I want hot, all-consuming like I can’t breathe kisses. The kind where they take without asking and have me panting from wanting to rip my clothes off that second.

I know this is not what I want or need.

The only kisses that will ever put me on fire like that are Jordan’s. As much as I want this to be right, it never will be.

When I pull back slowly, Chase is looking at me like he knows this too.

I’m Jordan’s, and I can’t ever seem to get past that.

“I’ll never be enough, will I?” Chase is still holding my face in his hands.

The tears are building in my eyes. “Never be someone’s second choice, Chase, you deserve more. Believe me when I say that your first choice is what life is made for.”

He kisses me softly on my forehead. “He has no idea what he’s missing out on, Nat. He took my first choice and has let her stay in second place all these years.”

“No, that’s on me. I put myself there and I have to live with that choice every day.” Dropping my head to his chest, I let the silent tears slide down my face, and he wraps me up in the friend hug that I need tonight.

“It’ll be okay, beautiful. And if it’s not, you know where to find me.”

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