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Being big tough men, they don’t know how to say what they’re feeling, but watching the hug they are both pouring their emotions into, it's the best way they can share. And for both of them, it’s enough. Unspoken words sometimes are the strongest way to convey emotions.
“Alright, enough of this emotional crap. We need to get out of here,” Ghost says, breaking away, and I agree with him.
I’m desperate to see Bessy and Eli, and we are so close now, it’s hard to contain my excitement. Ashton had a friend go shopping for us and buy lots of presents for the kids just as we promised, but I also placed an order from the bookstore and had Ashton pick it up. I will never get tired of listening to my children read to me. They were my lifeline at a time I felt lost in the darkness.
Ashton is back into work mode now, after dropping his walls just for a moment with Ghost.
“Tell Bull and Asha that we’ll be back in a few days to collect them. I’ll message the details. But after that, you are on your own. I think Paige would like both her husband and plane back, and I might have used up a lifetime of friend privileges with her.” Ashton signals us out the door of the cabin. He has already been out with Ghost, checking the car and loading our luggage into it. We still need to be cautious for a while, but hopefully, one day I’ll be able to move around without the area being searched before I get there. Actually, who am I kidding, Ghost will never stop being Ghost, and I’m over the moon at that thought.
GHOST
“Oh my God, woman, don’t tell me you need to stop to pee. You know what happened last time.” The way she is moving around in her seat, she reminds me of Bessy when she's too busy watching something on the television and leaves it to the last minute to run to the bathroom. Dancing back and forth to put it off so she doesn’t miss something.
“Ha-ha, very funny. No, I don’t need to go to the bathroom, but thanks for being a gentleman and checking.” The playful slap on my thigh tells me that comment was full of sarcasm. “I’m just full of nervous excitement, and I can’t sit still. I’ve missed my babies, and we're almost home. Can you drive faster?”
I know she doesn’t mean it, but I humor her anyway.
“Yep, just pushed another mile higher on the speedometer for you. Should get us there at least one second earlier.”
“Ghost!”
“What? Do you truly believe I would put your life in danger by speeding to get home quicker? Not happening, sweetheart!” That’s a big no from me. We have not been to hell and back to put her in danger in the last ten minutes of the trip.
“Yeah, yeah, I get it. I just want to squish them so tight and hear their voices. I won’t even complain when Eli's crying. I want it all.”
Seeing the happiness practically oozing from Cassie makes me feel more relaxed than I have since that first night when she collapsed on the floor in front of me. The events that followed I couldn’t have predicted, and it would probably make a great movie if it weren’t for the fact that it will always be hidden from the rest of the world. Everything that relates to Cassie’s old life is sealed up in her supposed death, and anything that is left over, I’ll be erasing from existence as soon as we're home and I can spend time in my office.
“Ugh.” I'm not able to contain my groan as an awful thought runs through my head.
“What’s wrong?” Cassie looks at me, concerned that I’m about to drop some bombshell that will stop her from seeing the kids.
“I can’t imagine what state my computers are in after I let Bull use my bunker. You know how anal I am with them. If he has screwed up anything, I’ll kill him with my bare hands.” And I’m serious. That room is the lifeline for not only my team and friends, but every client that I help to keep safe too.
“Ghost. You can’t tell me you don’t have backups upon backups of every single file since the dawn of time. How could Bull have possibly wrecked anything?” Cassie’s laughing at me.
“Because it’s Bull, he won’t be able to help himself, trying to find something he can use against me as ammunition with the team. That man has never beaten me at anything, but he’s never given up trying.” As much as I’m worried about my high-tech system—which Cassie is spot-on about, of course everything is safe from being lost or destroyed—it’s a warm feeling, one which I haven’t felt in a very long time, to be close to Bull again, and our usual banter is back, better than ever.
God, I’ve missed my friend! More than I realized over the years.
* * *
The squealing, crying, and talking when we arrived home was deafening, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. Suggesting that Bull and Asha stay on for a few days with us has been the best medicine for Cassie, giving her time to just be with the kids but having help with meals and the house so she isn’t overdoing it. I could have done it on my own, but I must admit, I’m really coming around to this idea of letting friends help.
We haven’t been in the space we could let it happen before now, but I’ll be making damn sure that we never go back to hiding from them again. No matter what life throws at us, we will be calling in our backup.
The kids are asleep for the night, and after a few beers on the balcony, Bull and Asha have headed down to the cabin to sleep for their last night here. To relive some memories, I’m sure, but I’m not sure how much of it will involve sleep. Although they have just spent over a week with the kids, maybe that’s all they are capable of doing, catching up on sleep.
Cassie and I both ended up in tears tonight as we tried to express to them our gratitude for what they did for us. There is no way I could have trusted anyone else to be here and know that my family was safe. Crying in front of a buddy is not my style, but the love for my little family and their safety breaks down my walls. Bull shed a few tears too as we dealt with a lot of the emotions of what we have both been through in our lives since we've been apart after I went into hiding. Almost losing the love of our lives tends to change a man.
Tonight felt like the line drawn in the sand. We've pushed all our trauma behind us and are facing a new beginning full of good times, together.
Lying in bed, Cassie is in her favorite spot, her head on my chest right above my heart. Hearing her little snore that she still insists she doesn’t do puts a smile on my face. This is what I’ve been longing for. Just peace and quiet. Life has been way too noisy for the last few months, and I must be getting old, because I don’t crave the adrenaline high like I used to.
I’m not ready to give it up just yet, but maybe it’s time I started to share the load. Pull back in from being the person everyone leans on, because if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t need it anymore.
I thought if I could just save one more person, find one more piece of the puzzle, send one more bad guy to jail, then my life would be worthwhile and that maybe, just maybe my family would be proud of me.
We bury our hurt in the sneakiest of places in our hearts, and it creeps up on us at the strangest times. But with it rising this time, I feel like it’s finally the right opportunity to bury the rejection I have never dealt with. And there is one big reason I feel I’m strong enough to do that now—the woman that is using me as her pillow. She has my back no matter what, and I can rely on her to be the one to protect my heart, which I’ve never had before her.
