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I’m starting to understand the nervous feeling I have in my stomach around him.
He’s intimidating!
I don’t know if he means to be, but it’s just oozing from him. I doubt many people mess with him. It’s all getting to be too much now. Without another word, I stand, grabbing my plate and glass, and head to the kitchen.
“I’ll do that,” I hear from behind me.
“No, it’s okay, I’m sure you have work to do.” I gulp down the last mouthful of my wine and want more than anything to pick up the bottle and start guzzling that down too.
“I said I’ll do it.” The voice getting closer behind me makes my breath speed up. “You go and relax.” Stepping up beside me, he takes the plate from me, and without even touching me, makes me feel like I need to move sideways from standing in front of the sink. He has this power with his eyes. It’s hard to describe, but it’s like he can control you with just the way he looks at you and directs what he wants.
Strange but intriguing.
“Relaxing. Pfft, what even is that?” I blurt out what I meant to think in my head, not say out loud. I remember that my mom used to tell me,"That’s an inside thought."I wasn’t very good at it when I was younger, and apparently tonight I’m not either.
“I understand, but we need to find something that will work for you,” he says, looking sideways at me as he starts rinsing the plates and pots I was using.
“I need something to keep my hands busy.”
His choking on air makes me rethink what I said. “You know, like washing the dishes. I’m not some damsel in distress, you know.” I can feel the anger, that is lying dangerously close to the surface, now peeking its head out.
“Not even close,” is all he says before stepping backwards away from the sink, hands in the air. “Sorry, all yours. But don’t say I didn’t offer. I’ll dry.” Great, now he's standing close to me, just staring at me while waiting for the first dish I’m now cleaning.
We both get to work on getting the cleaning from dinner sorted. I want to apologize for snapping at him, but instead, I’m just standing here almost scrubbing the blue pattern off the china plate.
“What would you normally do to help combat stress in your life, Cassandra?” I jump slightly as his voice breaks the unnerving silence.
“Exercise, run, do classes, anything to take the nervous energy down a peg or two. Instead, I’m stuck here in this old house that needs painting and being brought up to the modern decade. I mean, does anyone even care what it looks like when they just dump people here? Just because we're in hiding, it doesn’t mean we have to live in something that looks like it hasn’t been touched in fifty years.” Throwing the sponge down in the sink and pulling the plug out, I know I need to walk away. Otherwise, Ghost is about to see a part of me that I don’t particularly want to share.
My crazy-ass, bitchy side that I keep only for special occasions. Not sure this is one of those occasions, but the restraint to hold myself back is getting thinner.
Maybe I’m the one with the split personality.
“I’m tired. I’m going to bed. Good night.” Not even looking at him, I turn my back and walk away. No idea what I’m going to do once I get into my room. There is no way I’m going to be able to sleep tonight.
My mother would have whooped my ass for being as rude as I just was, walking away and not even acknowledging Ghost. I don’t know what came over me, but what I do know is that I need to be on my own to try to calm my brain and stop from letting it all out. Everything that I’ve been holding in for days now. To be honest, it’s probably been months that this frustration and mental anguish has been building. So many promises, talks of dreams ahead of us. Then nothing. Just lonely nights, days on my own, and the schedules of appearances to keep.
I can’t even remember the last time Jason and I just curled up on the couch to watch a movie or talked. Why was I so stupid!
I didn’t see it. I let myself be treated like crap, and it took something like this for me to see the real life I was living. No one would believe me if I told them that I’m angrier about the life I let myself live than I am about being trapped here and losing my identity.
Maybe it was an identity that needed to be lost.
Who was I then anyway? Just a doormat for some rich asshole.
I know one thing, and that's when I get out of this clusterfuck, things are changing. No one will keep me hidden or tell me what to do. I will be making my own decisions and never depend on a man again! That’s my promise to myself.
After slipping back out of my room to the bathroom and getting sorted, I’m now lying in bed staring at the ceiling, trying to take my mind to a happier time in my life. There were some with Jason in the beginning but nothing that I want to think about now. I drift off into my memories of when I first started my job at Roblowen Financial. I applied for plenty of jobs my last year of college, praying that something would open up for me. I couldn’t afford to spend much time without a regular paycheck coming in.
I remember the elation that rushed through my body once Mr. Aleckson called me to tell me I had the job at Roblowen Financial. It was an entry-level accountant’s position, but it was full-time and permanent, with all the health benefits, which was important to me as a woman who was completely on my own.
Those first six months I felt like I was drowning, just trying to gain my confidence in my work. What they taught me in college was nothing like the real world. Sure, the basics never changed, but the practicality of what happens in business is nothing like the textbook cases they give you.
I made a few friends in my section, Kylie, Elton, and Bruce. They helped me to fit in, and before long, I felt like I had been there for years and was part of the team. We had some fun nights out at the bars close to work and quick lunches in the café downstairs from our office. There was the occasional work function that we were all required to attend, where the bigger clients were wined and dined to keep them paying the big bucks.
It was at one of those schmoozing nights that I met who I thought was the man that would give me a great life. He swept me off my feet with all the right words, flirting with me until I took the bait. I ended up in his limousine at the end of the night and back to his penthouse suite. I was all lust and starry eyes that I look back on now and wish I had made better choices. He bought me gifts, sent me flowers, and turned on all the charm every time we were together.
Even my coworkers kept saying we made the perfect couple and how lucky I was. Oh yeah, so lucky, to be used as a pawn in his big masterful game. Never once did Jason miss a date or let me down in the early days. Life was good, and when my lease on my apartment was due, he convinced me that I should move in with him. I was ecstatic. His penthouse was beautiful and about a hundred times bigger than my place. Kylie came and helped me pack up my things into boxes. I didn’t have much, but it was all precious to me because they were things from my parents or that I had worked hard to save the money and pay for. Jason then paid for the movers to come and transport my boxes and the pieces of furniture I wanted to keep.
