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Moving my feet as quietly but quickly as I can, I’m out the back door and back into the shed. Pushing the speed on the treadmill up high, I run like I’m nearing the finish line of a marathon, for more reasons than one. I need to look like I’ve been sweating out here since he left, and the other reason is I’m chasing that high of the orgasm I wanted to feel when I listened to Ghost take the relief I need right now.
Hearing my name on his lips like that makes me want more.
Cassie. He’s never called me that, but I want it.
I want to be his Cassie.
How the hell do I get him to stop denying what he wants when it is right in front of him?
Me!
ChapterEight
GHOST
With my forehead leaning against the shower wall, I'm trying to get my breathing under control.
That woman out there is going to kill me in a slow painful death. Truly!
I can’t believe I just stood here and jerked off to her, harder than I have ever come by my own hand in my life.
She has some pull over me, and I don’t know how to keep pushing her away, except to act like an asshole to her, which hurts me just as much as I see the hurt I put in her eyes.
Badger’s words play in my head like a broken record all day and night, but it’s not helping. I think I need to get out of here for a few hours and get some perspective. I wish that was possible, but I’m too much of a control freak to trust anyone to watch Cassie while I’m away.
Shutting off the water, I slam my hand against the tiles again in pure frustration. I wish the training would do for me what is does for Cassie, taking my mind off things. Instead, it just fuels my adrenaline, and seeing her in those skimpy fitted outfits, my cock is screaming at me that he wants to work out too. I can’t be near her today, I know that for sure. Once again, I’ll be needing to make an excuse that I need to work on the computer and shut myself away inside my office while she fills her time. Watching her on the cameras like a creeper, justifying that it’s my job, when really, it’s my feelings for her that have my protective control issues making me act irrationally at times.
Last night, watching her break down at the thought of what her life is about to become almost had me giving into her body language. I’d have to be blind not to know what she's feeling. Because it’s like looking into a mirror. The difference is she’s coming closer, and all I’m trying to do is back away. For her safety more than my sanity.
Knowing how much my news last night rattled her, I don’t want to tell her everything I’ve discovered, on top of what she told the FBI, which is only scratching the surface of darkness in relation to her monster of an ex-boyfriend. There is no guarantee that when I finally come face to face with him that I won’t kill him.
Cassie thinks that Jason is just selling government secrets to the highest bidder and doing something bad involving women, based on the photos she saw, but it goes so much deeper than that. He has been undermining the national security of our country for a few years. And some of the payments for these vitally important pieces of information, he received cash as well as women. Yes, the bastard is not only making money from putting his own soldiers at risk in foreign countries but is involved in the disgusting act of inflicting atrocities on innocent women and young girls. I know it’s not my role to solve this case, and people far better at it than me are onto this, but I can’t help but want to make sure he pays for all he has done and is continuing to orchestrate from behind bars, I’m sure, all while proclaiming his innocence to every person and media outlet that will listen.
What makes my body radiate with all the emotions possible is not just the anger at Jason, but instead, knowing how much danger Cassie is really in. This guy has money and people in very high places on his payroll. To be honest, the more I find, the more I’m starting to wonder who I can even trust in WITSEC. I wouldn’t put it past him to have someone on the inside here, which means we are vulnerable.
And that fucking pisses me off!
Dressed and opening the back door, I yell out to Cassie that I’ll be in my office, when I see her running on the treadmill like she’s being chased. The shirt she's wearing is wet from sweat. God, I wish I could take away her stress, instead of her having to run it out of her system every day.
Her hand reaches in the air to acknowledge she heard me, but she doesn’t even turn to look at me. Great, I did my job this morning and pissed her off enough that she has her fight right at the surface.
She’s ready to take on the world with her anger.
The world… or maybe just me!
* * *
Working most of the day, I heard Cassie taking a shower, and I kept an eye on her as she went about her normal routine, cooking, watchingFriends, a bit of drawing which has become a secret hobby. She doesn’t show me any of her sketches, but I see her spending time engrossed in her work and then hiding it as I enter the room. I don’t want to push her, and there isn’t much of her life that is just hers anymore, so I want her to at least have her dreams.
I hear Cassie’s voice through the door calling me to dinner. It smells amazing, and after the day I’ve had reading and seeing absolutely vile things, I need to see her.
My bright eyes.
No matter what the world throws at her, it can’t seem to dampen the fire in her soul. Her anger might make it burn brighter, but nothing seems to be able to extinguish those flames.
One day I hope I can be her fuel for her fire.
Because I’m just about at the end of my restraint for doing what sounds like the right thing.
