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Floating, no pain, but I can feel his hand in mine. I feel safe.
Remember the story from Paris? You loved that one. A little apartment looking at the Eiffel Tower. I could sit there with my coffee, sweet pastries, and croissants for breakfast. You wanted to know what I had on the croissant, and of course, it was ham and cheese. Like there was any other choice. I brought you that little bottle of French perfume that you loved to spray on yourself and your teddies. I miss those times. I wish things didn’t have to change, but they did. Why did you do that?
Confusion surrounds me. Do what? I wasn’t there.
But it’s okay, I’m here now, I can fix this. I’ll fix what’s broken. There will be punishment, but you knew that. I need you to wake up first. It will take a while, but I’ll wait. You always did like your sleep; I’m guessing it hasn’t changed. Don’t be afraid, though. I’m here to take care of you. I’ll come to you when it’s time.
Daddy always looked after me. His stories making me feel better when I was scared. I’m so scared because I can’t open my eyes. I can hear him, and I can feel him, but I’m still floating. But it’s not his hand I want, it’s my Noah. He grounds me and is my home. I want to feel his touch.
Fight, come on, fight. You promised him.
My head is spinning again, but I can hear the beeps of machines. The hospital, I’m alive, the rest is dreaming. Don’t be too scared.
The hand is there again, and his soothing voice is in my head, talking to me.
I can see the fear on your face, and it reminds me of when you were little. Noises in the night had you freaking out. So, I would tell you about my adventures. Your mother never believed the stories, but you always did. You trusted me unconditionally. I need you to do that now. We have things to sort out, so when I come for you, I need you to trust me and believe me it’s for the best. I don’t want to lose you again.
Other voices are talking around me.
“Her pulse and BP are stable, just having trouble waking. She should be well out of the anesthetic by now.” A lady, I don’t know her voice.
What does she mean I should be awake? I’m trying. I can hear you, I’m here, just hold my eyes open and I’ll see you.
No, get Ghost, he knows how. His voice, my body responds to it. Let him see me, I need him.
“It’s been longer than it should be. Call Dr. McIntyre and let him know. Tell him she’s breathing on her own and the tube is out, but she won’t wake properly.”
Yes, call Tate, he will fix me. He told me he would take care of me.
I’m trying, I promise! It’s hard, my eyes don’t open, and everything feels weird.
“He’s on his way down. Just talking to the husband.” The woman’s voice is circling me.
It was gone, but it’s back. I can feel his hand again.
I have to go now, my little girl, but I’ll be back when it’s time.
We will be together once more.
Just you and me.
“No… I don’t… want… to go… with… you. Not… yet.” Is that my voice out loud or inside my head? I can’t tell.
“That’s it, Cassie, you’re back with us. Keep pushing through the fog. I need you to open those eyes for me.” A hand is rubbing up and down each of my arms. I can feel it finally, and it’s soft, but enough to register the sensation.
“Cassie, talk to me, let me know you can hear me. I need to send a message to your husband before he storms into this recovery room.” Tate’s voice is a comfort. He’s here. He’ll take me to Ghost.
“Have we got a grumpy one out there?” the nurse said.
My eyes finally open, and with all the strength I have, I tell her, “No! …Loves me… protects me! …My… grumpy!” My voice is husky, and my throat is sore from the breathing tube I’m guessing. Just getting that out is all I could do, and I can’t keep my eyes open anymore. The feeling of the fuzziness comes back again.
“That’s my girl. Welcome back, Cassie.” Tate’s voice is distant but still there. “Let’s get her up to ICU for monitoring and let her husband see her.” The noise is drifting off again, but I can feel some sort of movement.
Yes, I can rest if I know I’m with him.
GHOST
Watching them wheel Cassie through the doors of the ICU was the most relief I have ever felt. I was worried when she was in labor at home on her own with just me, but nothing like what the last seven hours have been.
