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“I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight, but when you walked toward me, I knew without a doubt it was you.” His feet thumping the pavement behind me, I know he isn’t giving up.
I hear Flynn’s voice beside me loud and clear. “I don’t think he wants to speak to you. Now fuck off!” He has no idea what is going on, but just like I would expect, he has my back.
“But it’s vitally important I speak to him.” The guy is now getting frustrated.
“Don’t care.” I can feel the anger in me building like a volcano.
The thought of who he is goes over and over in my head, screaming at me. The eruption is starting, and there is nothing I can do to hold it back.
Feeling myself snap, I turn so fast I almost lose my balance. I’m in his face quicker than he can do anything about it.
“Why isn’t my father looking for me? Or is he still the weak, gutted excuse for a man he always was?” My teeth are grinding and my fingernails digging into the palms of my hands from clenching my fists so tightly. Flynn grabs at my shoulder, trying to pull me back, but he’s got no chance. Between my size and the adrenaline pumping through my veins, as I am in full flight-or-fight mode, there is no way he can compete with that.
“Because he died thirty-six years ago.” The pity in his voice has me stumbling backwards. The noise of the city is long gone, I can’t hear anything else except those words over and over again inside my head on repeat.
He’s dead… he’s dead… so long ago… he died.
Instead of Flynn trying to pull me off this man, I know he’s the only reason I’m still standing.
On a breath no more than a whisper, my whole life comes together with one sentence.
“He died before I was born…”
Just trying to breathe, Flynn slowly lowers me onto the concrete steps next to the water. I can’t seem to focus on any rational thought.
The man standing in front of me doesn’t say a word, letting me take in what he just said to me.
“What… how… why…” I can’t even seem to get out what I want to ask.
What happened to my father?
How did you find me?
Why now, what made my grandfather wait all this time?
Does my mother know any of this?
“Shit, Mum! The phone calls. Does she know? Is she okay? I need to get to her.” I try to stand, but both Flynn and Broderick’s hands force me back down as I stagger a little on my feet.
“Steady on there, son. You mother is fine.”
I feel my ass hit the step again. “You’ve spoken to her?” I know her heart must be breaking into pieces. I think she always believed she would see him again someday. That he would come back for her. And as crazy as I always thought that was, right now, I wish that dream of hers could come true more than anything. But now I know, that’s never going to be possible.
“Yes, this afternoon, I finally managed to find her. We have been looking for a while. We sat for a long time over a cup of tea, and she knows everything. But the plan was for her to talk to you and then we would arrange to meet. The universe obviously had other plans by putting you right in front of me tonight.”
“That doesn’t mean she’s okay. She is good at putting on a brave face, and you don’t even know her. So, I’ll be the judge of whether she is all right or not!”
She might annoy me some days, but my mother would never hurt a fly. Every bone in her body is gentle and full of love and kindness for everyone she touches. I often wondered where I fit with her. I’m totally different to her in that way. I have no patience, I can be a snarky, arrogant asshole most days, and besides my mum, nan, and pop, I’ve never loved another human being. Love just causes hurt, and it’s not fucking worth it.
“I think we need to find a bar for you to sit and talk and drink a strong whiskey or two.” Flynn’s voice startles me a little, as I’m so in my head, I’d forgotten he was still beside me.
“Good idea,” Broderick agrees at the same time I’m yelling.
“No. I don’t want to be in some claustrophobic room, having every nosy person listening in about a life I’m hearing about for the first time. We talk right here!”
“Nic, settle down and stop being an ass. I know you are in shock, but this guy sounds like he holds a lot of answers to questions you have had all your life.” I know he is trying to help, but right now, I want to shove Flynn and tell him I can be the biggest ass in the world if I want to be. This is my fucked-up life!
“It’s okay, here is fine. Can I sit down?” The man, who has all the information that I’m not sure I will cope with finally finding out, points beside me on the steps that go for yards along the side of the wharf.
