Page 83 of The Craving


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“I’m a grown man, I’m sure I can handle my own life.” By the looks both Victoria and Mum are giving me, the words out of Victoria’s mouth just make me start laughing.

“That’s debatable.” And that’s why she lights my fire. She’s never afraid to tell me what she thinks.

“I like you, Victoria. You are just perfect. I can’t wait to meet you when I get there.” Mum will already be packing her bags as soon as she gets off this call, I can tell. I need to slow this woman down before she turns up on my doorstep. And my life history has me living with a real phobia of her traveling without me, not knowing where she is and how she is getting there and home. If my dad had just told his parents, they would have picked him up and we might still have him today.

“Me too. We have a lot to talk about, I’m sure. And don’t let him keep you from me. He’s just scared that we’ll gang up on him.” It’s like I’m not even in this conversation anymore, as they start talking about different places that Victoria can take her to see when she visits.

“Fuck, kill me now. I’ve got no say in this, have I?” I pretend to be annoyed, but really, there is a part of me that will be happy to see my mum and make sure she is okay. And there is an even bigger part of me that wants the two of them to become friends. If this thing with Victoria is ever going to work, they need to fit together in my life. There is no other option.

Finally breaking into the conversation between them that I’m no longer included in, they both stop and smile at me as I tell them, “I’ll have Lucy organize a plane for you. There is too much happening this week, but I’ll arrange for the week after that. Don’t book anything, understood?” Knowing her, she will book some cheap-ass seat in economy that will have her in the air for thirty-five hours with multiple stopovers in some weird-ass place.

“So bossy.” Mum looks at me.

“Don’t I know it,” Victoria mumbles under her breath, but Mum knows exactly what she said, and that’s enough to make me embarrassed. It’s not something my mum needs to know. But the way Victoria said it makes me relax, knowing that we will be okay.

She’s right, we do need to talk, and I need to be honest with her. It’s not something I’m keen to do, but she deserves that from me.

“I think it’s time I let you both get back to whatever you were doing. And just remember, no work, you need to discover each other first. There is plenty of time for work later.”

It all sounds good in theory, but not a day goes past that I’m not working in some capacity, and I can’t expect Victoria to just step away from her job. Financially, I doubt she could afford to do that, but careerwise, I would never expect that of her.

“Thanks, Mum, and stop reading the trash on social media. I’ve told you that before. I will sort this out. Trust me, it will be fine. I’ll be in touch.”

“No, don’t call me, just concentrate on Victoria. I’ll talk to Lucy.”

Rolling my eyes at her, she knows she has gotten her way.

“Love you, Mum, and thanks for the chat. I mean it.” And I do. She has made me look at things in a different light.

“Love you, Nic, and can’t wait to hug you both soon.” I think she’s done and about to hang up when she quickly gets in her last say, just like she always does.

“And don’t let him push you away, sweet girl. Push back hard, you are everything he has ever needed.”

Before I can say a word, her face has disappeared, and the call is disconnected.

“I love your mum already.” Victoria has a smile stretching from one side of her face to the other.

“Ughhh,” I groan. “I bet you do!”

I’m screwed, like totally screwed. Once these two are in the same room, there will be no going back. Mum will be planning a wedding, and Victoria will have way too much background information on me.

What have I done.

I sit for a little longer just holding her, trying to tell her I’m sorry without words.

Why is it so hard to let myself be vulnerable? Is it a guy thing, or am I just as fucked up as I feel?

I know it won’t last, but holding her like this is so calming. When we are both silent, it’s like we allow our hearts to talk and don’t let our heads get in the way.

She can feel it too, her breathing soft and slow. Why can’t we just stay like this and there would be less tension?

Who am I kidding, we both love the tension and what follows. She can tell me I use sex as a distraction, and she’d be right. But it doesn’t take away from how fucking awesome we are together naked.

“She is your world, isn’t she.” Victoria’s soft voice breaks the silence that had wrapped around us, comforting us.

“My mother gave up her life for me. I will always be grateful for the unconditional love she shared and for all the tough times she battled to keep a roof over our heads. I would give her the world if she would let me. But she won’t, and I have to respect that, as hard as it is.”

“Then she raised you right. Respect is an important trait in any man.” It makes me think we were brought up with similar values.

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