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Wishful thinking isn't our friend. We need facts and evidence if we want to salvage this into a situation Nico can survive.
"I could focus a little energy into trying to calm Dad on that."
Dad isn't one to change his mind on things, it's why he was prepared to let me hate him forever rather than admit the truth about my sister.
Chapter four
Porter
IknewaboutNico'strauma for a while before I told Knox. Why didn’t I say something sooner instead of making snarky conversation with his parents. We were having breakfast naked when Gavriil was shot, and I will never forgive myself for staying silent about my fears. Finding the man who killed his mum would have as much impact on Nico as finding his sister's killer had on Knox. Nico was there, translating for Gavriil as they tortured the man, and yet, no one gave him a thought.
That poor young man had to piece everything together from the English he understood and process it all by himself.
I can picture Nico screaming at Gavriil, the gun waving wildly in his grief. He'd want to know if Gavriil knew who killed Carrie back when his mum died and didn't tell him. He'd want to know if Gavriil knew they were torturing her murderer and didn't say anything. He was denied closure because he didn't know who the man was. He had been blaming Edward all these years, just as Knox did.
"Porter, would you like to do something?" Freddie joins me where I stand at the living room window. I am doing something; I'm watching a poor bee working her arse off for no recognition or reward, and I'm trying to rewrite history with my mind.
"I'm fine." My heavy sigh isn't convincing anyone. "I should have said something sooner."
"This isn’t your fault," he tries to reassure me. "It's not Knox's fault either."
"Whose fault is it?"
"Losing Carrie was hard for everyone. Edward was trying to find her killer without sending Knox into a destructive frenzy. Everyone was busy, all thinking someone else was dealing with the kid."
Knowing Nico's torment started so long ago doesn't really help.
"Gravel didn't forget him. He helped him," I remind Freddie. I suppose it's good that one person has been looking out for him all these years.
It makes me feel a little better about my childhood. Mum may have been high on drugs, but I always had her there to talk to, even if she didn't register what I said.
"Gavriil had his own demons. Don't make him a saint in all of this. Making the boy learn English and Russian meant Gavriil didn't have to learn English himself."
"I thought Nico spoke Russian when he came here?"
"His mum was from Romania. It's as close to Russian as French is to English. That kid had to learn two languages to make that great oaf useful."
"He still took him in when no one else did." I can't make a dying man into a bad guy, even when everyone around me is a murderous villain. I can’t make any of them bad people in my mind, because if I do, I have to acknowledge being one of them now.
"I'm not saying Nico didn't benefit from the arrangement, just don't think Gavriil didn't benefit too." Freddie gives a shrug, his eyes more on the bee than me.
"Please don't demonise the man. He could die."
"The bookies will be devastated," Freddie huffs, turning away from the window.
"Wait, what bookies?"
"Gavriil liked gambling. I used to play poker at his place years ago." Freddie glances back. "Seeing a scrawny kid translating his potty mouth soured the appeal."
"Does he have gambling buddies now?" My mind flits from child abuse to a possible lead for Knox.
"Probably. A man like that doesn’t give up gambling."
Knox hasn't mentioned the gambling, so that could be something he is unaware of. If he owed money, this could be about a gambling debt. Nico only touched the gun, which I've already mentally convinced myself he just picked up and moved. I'm not trying to find something that isn't there, but I'd really love Nico to have found Gavriil and been forced to flee and hide.
The more I think about that, the more likely that sounds. So much so, I pull my phone out to ring Knox.
He doesn’t answer but I'm used to that, he is a busy man. He'll call when he sees my message and is free. Until then, I'm going to cling to the little hope I've mustered and go for a swim.
