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What am I to Nico?
When Knox brought me here, the terms were clear. I had to agree to what he did for a weekend, and for a clear reward. I knew what he wanted to do for me, and I didn't have much of a choice, but the option was there if I wanted to leave at any time. Bad things would have happened to my sister if I did, but that was only part of the motivation. With Nico, we have been anything but clear. He doesn’t know long he has to stay, and what we want from him isn't well thought out. I want a friend but keeping him here and sharing his bed isn't what being friends means.
We need to tell him why he is here and when we will let him leave; and before we can do that, I need to decide why I want him and if I can let him go.
"Car… Turn… Bridge…" Nico mutters, tossing in his sleep.
"No cars, Nico. Just me. Just here in bed."
Nico rolls towards me, lifting his head. His face is so close to mine, his wide eyes break the paleness of his expressionless sleeping face.
I know now why I want him. I know what it is I need.
Knox controls me and makes all my decisions. I don’t want to have self-control, but I want control over something. That something is Nico. I don't want a friend, I want more, I want someone here with me who can love me in the way I love Knox.
I lift my face to Nico's, my lips brush against his, my mind deciding what I actually want from him. He leans in, and for a moment I think he's going to kiss me, for a moment I want him to. Our mouths connect, our lips move briefly in time with one another as I take what I want. What I thought I wanted. I don’t want this. I don’t want this with anyone but Knox. I push him back, but all of Nico's weight is pressing on me. His lips still move, words muttering about cars and driving somewhere. Then his head drops onto my shoulder and sleep reclaims him again.
Instead of mourning the kiss, I feel a sense of relief. That isn't what I want from him. I want to look after him, I want to teach him to read and write, but I don’t want to kiss him. I am in love with one man, and that man owns me in every way.
Chapter twenty-nine
Knox
Ihaven'twokenupalone since I brought Porter into my life. The bed is definitely too big without my personal starfish sleeping across it; and me.
I'm not worried about his absence, not with Nico for him to worry about. I climb from the bed and head, appropriately dressed, to the younger man's bedroom. Nico is sparked out on his side, wrapped up in the arms of my beloved, who is a wake and pinned.
"Good morning," I whisper.
"He was crying in his sleep," Porter explains.
I simply nod, but something in his eyes draws my curiosity.
"He remembered the things they said to him, but it didn’t make sense. Something about a car journey."
"I will talk to him when he wakes up." I smile kindly, displaying my joy at this situation. Porter needs a companion for when I'm working, and I can think of no one better than Nico. The worry remains written as guilt on his face.
"I tried to kiss him. I didn’t enjoy it, but I had to see if it was what I wanted. It isn't. You are everything I want."
It's nice to see I can still wring confessions from the guilty with just a look.
"Wake him up. I need to ask him what he remembers before I head to work." I turn and walk out, leaving him to wake Nico while I prepare for whatever my job dictates. Unlike the two boys, I have to face the day in a suit.
By the time I'm ready to head downstairs, so are my boys. They are my boys, even though I feel nothing sexual towards Nico, he is still mine to protect and nurture. I only regret not doing it years ago.
"Wait. Let me help."
If Porter takes Nico down the stairs the way he is planning to, they are both going to fall.
"Go on ahead and make the living room comfortable," I order Porter and he trots down obediently.
"Nico, I'd like to ask you what you remembered last night."
"Porter did tell you," Nico nods. "I will tell all that I remember."
I help him down the stairs. He can manage quite well; my hand simply gives him support when his knees buckle. As I take him into the lounge, Porter finishes getting the blankets set up ready. While I settle him, Caeo escorts the translator in, a new lady who was recommended for her Romanian linguistics.
"Nico, I want you to do a brave thing for me and put your mind back in that room where we found you. I need you to focus on what they said to you. Is that ok?" I perch on the glass coffee table opposite Nico and the blanket fort Porter has fashioned around him.
