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"Good advice, little bro."
I chuckle at the idea of this man calling me his little brother. He's grown up with that title, so passing it on is probably a relief to him, but I've never been anyone’s anything for so long.
"So, parents can just throw out their children and not see them again. Not care if they live or die?"
"Dad isn't all bad. I'm just not interested in all the family stuff. I push his buttons. This shouldn't come as a surprise really."
"I was meaning my mum."
My grandfather kicked her out for sleeping with Carter.
"Ah." Gregory nods and then offers me the cigarette.
"This is the cough now kill later stick?"
"The what?" he laughs deeply.
"Maybe I called it wrong. Gavriil described it in Russian, but I tell you in English. Maybe I made mistake."
"Nah. You pretty much called it as it is." He withdrawals the stick and takes another drag. "Depression killers. Old age isn't something people like us don't have to worry about getting old."
"That is Depression." I snatch the cigarette away from him and draw deeply. The heavy fumes fill my brain, fuzzing over the turmoil inside.
Gavriil didn't describe cigarette as evil because he didn't smoke, he called them that because I did. Gavriil had the morals of a hyena but smoking at thirteen was a no.
It was easy to wean off them after he broke my ribs. The coughing nearly killed me.
"We shall like being friends." I guess he wants the same thing as my other brother, but Gregory doesn't strike me as the screaming kind. Porter manages to scream like the girls in Gavriil's videos, most nights and sometimes during the day. I have a feeling he's the one on his knees. Gregory and Knox would be the ones doing the things in the video, rather than having them done. My dick gets weirdly swollen just thinking about it. The trouble is, I don't know which one I want to be. Or who I'd want it to be with. I glance back at the kitchen, hoping to see Knox and Porter wrapped up in each other’s arms. All I see is Caeo's messed up hair and the back of his suit.
Do I want someone to wrap me up in their arms and save me from the winter chill, or do I want to hurt them.
"You look confused."
"You are homeless for the gaying stuff?"
"I got kicked out because some tiny runt put me on my arse. But, yes, I'm gay."
"Do you like the cuddles or hurting?"
It's not exactly that. Anyone can cuddle. The real question is whether I want to hurt or be hurt. I love the feeling of hurting others, but dreaming about being them is what gives me relief on cold lonely nights.
"Random. Do you mean top or bottom?"
"They call them in not-gay world Doms and subs. The givers of pain and the takers. In the video man is always giver, but when both man, how do you choose which?"
"Dude you are a sub. You're too tiny to be anything else. But maybe you are vanilla. It isn't all about kinks if you don't want it to be."
"You have lots to teach me. Take me house hunting and tell me how it all works." I think I was less confused when we started this chat, but I have finally found someone I feel able to discuss it with, so it's a start.
"Ew. You're too tiny to know that kind of thing."
"I watch more porn than count, but it all girls. I need know how boy stuff work."
"I'll get a pad; you can crash with me when I'm settled and I'll show you the channels you want to be watching."
I am tempted to enlighten him on Knox's stationary store, but I don’t think that is what he means.
Gavriil told me once that it was his big brother who turned him onto porn, and it ruined his expectations for real women. Now I have the kind of big brother who can ruin me. And the kind of almost brother-in-law who would kill him for it. I need to work on the almost-daddy for a bit longer. I glance at Caeo and sigh. Maybe once Gregory halls educated me I can become more brat and less child in his eyes.
