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I decide to brazen it out and meet with Rachel for coffee later that afternoon.
I don't know whether it is a brilliant plan or the stupidest thing I can do, but Rachel is waiting for me in the bar when I arrive at the Esmonde.
Even though there didn’t appear to be any paps around when Karen and I left the palace, it doesn’t take long for them to form a crowd outside, their long lenses pointing through the windows.
“Are you okay?” Rachel asks after Karen is seated a few tables away.
“Mostly, I think.”
“I’m sorry I—”
“No, don’t be sorry. I’m responsible for my own actions. You know damn good and well that if you hadn’t helped, I would have found another way. And it’s possible that could have been so much worse. As it stands, all they have is that it looks very much like I spent the night in this hotel.”
“True. So, tell me what’s on your mind, because there’s no way you brought me to the scene of the crime just to rile up the press.”
“I understand why Duncan hit peak fuck-it and did exactly as he pleased. Because they don’t care—” I stop speaking when I see the server on her way over with our drinks. After she sets them on the table and is a safe distance away, I resume. “Where was I?” I take a sip of my coffee. “Oh yes, they don’t care—they’re out there solely for the dirt. And it’s only now that I’ve really bumped up against that. Maybe because the stakes are higher for the other person involved than they are for me.”
“You’re not wrong about any of that. And I’ll add one more piece of fuel to that fire. Duncan is the redeemed rake. He’s married to a perfectly respectable woman of appropriate rank. And until the press decide the honeymoon phase is over, of course they’re focused on you.”
I let out a long sigh. This is new territory for me. I’ve always been able to fly under the radar because on any given day, my twin was guaranteed to provide more than enough scandal to keep the press happy.
“Then I suppose my only real option is to make a clean break of it and wear my good-girl knickers for a while.”
“For a while. But book club will always be around for you when you need it.”
I don’t know if Rachel truly understands exactly how precious her trust is to me. I don’t know if I would have been able to survive without her creating a safe space for me.
Even though we were followed by paps everywhere we went, I’m feeling much better after an afternoon of coffee and shopping with Rachel.
I love that she insisted we spend the next week or two going out to do thoroughly benign activities together in the hopes that the paps get bored and move on.
I’ve been ignoring Freddy’s texts all day, but now that I’m home, it’s time for me to deal.
7
Alfred
I don’t knowwhether to be relieved or concerned when my mobile rings and Alex’s number pops up.
I’ve been trying to get in touch with her all day and simultaneously trying to not come off like a crazy stalker. But I’ve been worried. I know she tries to stay out of the tabloids.
“Are you okay?” I ask as soon as I answer.
“I will be. I hung out with a friend, and you’ll see in tomorrow’s headlines that I returned to the scene of the crime.”
“Good for you. I’m sorry I put you in that position.”
“You didn’t. I could have said no. I could have done more to mitigate the risk. Truth is, I took a chance and got caught out.”
“And you’re not going to see me again, are you?”
“I shouldn’t.”
“But you’d like to?” I try not to sound as desperate as I feel.
“Yes. But it would be unwise. If it got out who I’ve been seeing, the press would be all over you. And that wouldn’t be good for Pippa.”
“I want to see you again. And you want to see me, so how about we find a way to make that happen?”
