AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I’m still shivering as I hustle to the dorms. All I want is a hot shower and sleep.
My stomach clenches painfully.
Okay, and food.
And cuddles. You want to be held.
Fuck off, voice.
Nerves flutter in my chest when I pull open the door to the dorm building and wait for the elevator. I hope Paul isn’t out looking for me.
The ride up is quick, and when the doors open on the third floor, I’m half expecting him to be standing there with his arms crossed and a glare on his beautiful face. Instead, I find Nikki.
Fuck.
“Hey, can’t really talk right—”
“I brought you dinner. Did you get the gift I left on your bed?” She shoves a white grocery bag at me that I grab on instinct and look up at her, confused.
“What?”
“The gift. I left it on your bed.” She cocks her head to the side like she’s wondering if I understand English. “Hmm, maybe your roommate took it? He seems like the jealous type.”
“I haven’t been back in hours, and he wouldn’t take something that wasn’t his.” Now I’m getting mad. She doesn’t know him, or me for that matter. How dare she talk about him like she does? “I have to go.” I push past her down the hallway but stop outside our door. Is Paul inside? Is he pissed? Is he going to yell at me again or treat me like I’m breakable? I take a deep breath and reach for the handle, but the door opens before I can grab it. Jeremy stops short and smiles at me.
“Hey, man, where have you been?” He puts his hand on my arm, and Paul’s head pops up over his shoulder as he gets off the bed.
“I, uh . . . got locked in the ice rink.” A shudder runs through me again, and I huddle in my hoodie, wishing Paul would just wrap his damn arms around me and hold me tight.
Jeremy chuckles since it’s exactly something that would happen to me and pats my shoulder on his way past to his own room. I stand awkwardly in the doorway while Paul stares at me.
“Are you going to come in or . . .”
Forcing myself to swallow past the lump in my throat, I close the door behind me and drop my backpack on the floor.
“You’re avoiding me.”
He’s not pulling any punches today. Not letting me hide. I both love it and hate it when he does this. It means I’ve been too in my head lately, and he’s going to make me face at least some of it. But it hurts, and after being locked in the dark recesses of my head for days, I snap. “You’re not my keeper!”
“You’re right, I’m not your fucking keeper. I’m trying to be your friend. You won’t talk to anyone, disappear for hours, and are just acting weird. I’m concerned about you.” By the end of his rant, Paul is yelling and crowding me against the door.
I shove against him, but he barely budges. “Just fuck off! I didn’t ask you to save me!”
“I love you. You don’t have to ask!” His angry red face is in mine.
“Stop acting like you’re a knight in shining fucking armor. Mind your own business!” I shove him again, this time managing to get him to back up enough for me to get past him and into the bathroom. I close the door in his face and hate myself for the hurt I see there. I’m going to be his ruin.
Stripping out of my clothes, finally not shivering anymore thanks to the heat of anger, I turn the water all the way to hot and punish myself with the burn. My pale skin immediately turns pink, and I hiss at the sting.
If only the trembling in my soul was as easy to get rid of as the shaking in my hands.
With my palms on the wall of the shower, I lift my face to the boiling water and force myself to take the pain. It’s nothing less than I deserve for hurting him. Maybe the heat of the water will wash away some of the fucked-up parts of me. Make me normal. Make me easier to love.
Love.
My head snaps up right as the word hits my brain. Paul said he loves me. Did he meanlovelove or just like a friend love? Excitement and fear mix, neither one knowing which way to go. The “what ifs” arguing both sides of the case and coming to the same conclusion.
There’s no way he could really love me.
