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I watch Brendon’s throat work as he swallows before he answers. “Because you deserve more than that.” He turns his head to look at me, and it warms my heart. Brendon is such a good man. I got lucky having him as my best friend but even more so to have him love me.
“I’ll get myself figured out and we can tell people.” I squeeze his hand, and he lifts mine to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it. “You deserve to not be a secret too. I’m not ashamed of you. You know that, right?”
Brendon nods. “I know. It’s weird to come out. To feel like you have to announce to everyone what you like in bed.” He shakes his head. “Can you imagine if everyone had to do that?” He changes his tone, mimicking a woman. “I just want everyone to know that I like being humiliated and gangbanged. I didn’t choose this life, it chose me. This is the real me.”
I laugh, picturing a sassy girl telling her parents and can’t contain myself.
“It’s fucking stupid.” Brendon shakes his head. “And why do straight people then think they can ask follow-up questions?” This time he lowers his voice and sounds like a stereotypical dumb jock. “But, like, which one of you is the girl?”
I pick at the bun, eating little pieces before I reply. “That’s one of the big things holding me back. That and people thinking less of me. I don’t want who I love to change people's opinion of me.” My shoulders slump, and I lean my forearms on my knees. “I know I shouldn’t care what other people think of me, but it’s hard.”
Brendon moves the bag and slides over until he’s touching me from shoulder to knee. “We shouldn’t care what other people think, but we all do.” He lays his head on my shoulder and sighs. “But if someone you’ve known a while judges you for it, they weren’t your person. You’ll find better ones who won’t care or judge.”
“Change is scary.”
“It is, but I’ll be there, and honestly, if anyone is a real dick, we’ll sic Preston on them.”
We both laugh, and for some reason, it makes me feel better to picture Preston punching some homophobic asshole because he ran his mouth to me. Not that I couldn’t handle it myself, but knowing Preston would probably have my back helps. Jeremy will only be pissed that we didn’t invite him to the wedding, but not that there was one.
For a few minutes we sit in comfortable silence, just eating and throwing the balled-up wrappers at each other with easy smiles. We’re just us.
Brendon pulls out his phone, checks the time, and sighs.
“I don’t want to go back to my room without you.”
Reaching for his chin, I turn his face toward me and kiss him softly, lingering. With our lips still exploring, Brendon moves and pushes my knees apart. He puts a hand on the back of my neck and intensifies our kiss. I think it’s the first time he’s taken over, taken what he needed instead of letting me tell him what he’ll get. It makes me smile, knowing he’s comfortable making his needs known. His hips meet mine, rubbing us together, rolling his hips, and panting against me.
“I want to suck you off,” Brendon says against my mouth and moves both hands to my pants, but I grab his wrists.
“Hey, hey, hey,” I say as I lean my forehead against his. “We don’t have time.”
Brendon groans and shoves his face into my chest. “I’m going to go annoy Willis until he demands you change rooms.”
I can’t help but chuckle and run my hand down his back. “We’ll survive a few days.”
“Says you,” he grumbles into my shirt.
“Hey, you got off, like, three hours ago. You’ll live.”
Brendon pops up off my shirt with an intense expression. “When you jack off next, send me pictures or like a video of you coming.” He bites his lip and grinds against me. “Fuck, that would be hot.” Brendon nips at my bottom lip, rolling his body against mine. “Go do it right now, please? I want it.”
I’ve never done anything like that, but it’s turning me on how badly he wants it. It’ll be weird, but I’ll do it for him.
“Yeah?” I watch his face, watch the lust turn his skin pink and blow his pupils wide. “Will you send me some too?”
“Fuck yeah, I will. Goddamn. Go right now. I’m hard as a fucking rock.”
I reach between us and grip his cock through his shorts. He whimpers, and thrusts into my grip. I love watching him start to lose control. When he gives into sensation and just takes from me.
“You’re so sexy when you want to come. Don’t keep quiet, I want to hear your sounds.” My lips brush his ear, and he shudders, leaning harder into me and chasing the high of orgasm.
“Please,” he whimpers and grips onto me hard enough to leave red marks on my skin but not bruises. A part of me wants the bruises too. He has my mark tattooed on him; I want it too. I want rings to show everyone he’s mine and I’m his, but it’s my own fault we don’t.
I’ll get there, and hopefully, it won’t take me too long.
What are you going to do if he dies? Or leaves?
That stupid voice in my head ruins everything. The excitement I had just a second ago is gone and filled with fear. I can’t lose him. It will kill me.
