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“I didn’t want to wake up alone.”
I shook my head. My vision blurred, and I blinked back tears until the paint splotch on the deadbolt came back into focus. It had to be this way. Didn’t he know that? I grasped the deadbolt harder to keep my hand from shaking and stop myself from rushing into his arms.
“Lee, what’s going on?” He cupped my shoulder, rubbing small circles over my bare skin with his thumb.
I froze, stuck between my selfish desires and doing the best thing for him. A few days ago, I was trying to get rid of him. Now I yearned for the opposite.
“It’s for the best.” I had to force the words out past a wad of desperation caught in my throat.
“It’s not.” He tugged me away from the door.
Like I was having an out-of-body experience, I watched my hand fall from the lock, then turned and pressed my cheek to his hot, bare chest. His arms came around me and we stood in the dark kitchen, not moving. Only breathing, existing. The warmth from his body sank bone-deep, chasing away the chill.
Onyx broke the stalemate, poking his nose into my leg.
“I should take him out.” I turned away from Derek.
“No leaving. Not yet. We need to talk.” He held his hands out for my purse and shoes. His expression gave me no clue to his thoughts.
I nodded and gave him my things before following Onyx outside into the muggy darkness of the side yard. With a sigh, I collapsed against the side of the house. I tipped my head back and looked at the few stars bright enough to be seen despite Miami’s light pollution. While Onyx sniffed for the perfect place to take care of his business, I tried to collect my thoughts. It was like trying to find a constellation in a sky with most of the stars missing.
Too soon, Onyx was staring at the door, ready to go back inside. He loved his air conditioning. I ruffled the fur on his head.
“What should I do?” I asked him.
He looked at me, unconcerned. Maybe I could try my dog’s approach to life and not worry about tomorrow. Live in the moment. The thought was beyond appealing.
I could crawl back into Derek’s bed and forget all my rules. Luxuriate in him. Wallow in the pleasure he and I could create together. Let tomorrow take care of itself.
I was a weak woman, and the idea wormed into my psyche. I didn’t examine it for faults, but I clung to it. Derek already knew the truth about my dual life. Or enough of it. I could have him for a little while, at least.
In the kitchen, Derek waited for me. He’d placed the cake on the island along with forks and plates and was filling glasses of milk for us both.
“Sit.”
A flood of nervous energy made that sound utterly unappealing and nearly impossible. I took a knife from the block and gestured at the cake. “I’ll cut.”
He sat. His regard was heavy like a touch. The unwavering gaze made me fumble and almost drop the knife.
I turned to the beautiful cake, looking for where to start. I’d been so deliriously happy when I bought it, talking to Josett a mile a minute. Begging her to personalize it while I waited so I could have it to take to an old friend’s house. She smirked at me, knowing more was going on than I had said. She’d told me the French love of love had softened her to my plea. I hadn’t corrected her assumption.
I’d been a fool then, and I was doing it again. A good man like Derek wasn’t meant for the likes of me.
I sliced down into the perfect frosting. Once. Twice. I pried the slab of cake free and chunked it onto Derek’s plate.
He blinked at it. “Is that for both of us?”
“Eat.” I served a similarly giant slice for myself. I’d barely sat down before I shoved a forkful of sweet comfort into my mouth. Sugar and fat always helped. I’d regret it later, especially if our talk went badly and my stomach rebelled. For now, I didn’t care. The decadent cake would help obliterate my bitter thoughts.
“This wasn’t a one-time thing.” He pushed his plate aside and turned to me.
Chewing, I nodded. His words were a promise I’d like to believe.
“I want you.” The slight desperation in his voice mirrored my feelings.
“I come with a lot of baggage.”
“Let me help you with it?” He looked eager, too eager.
