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“I know you can,querido. As I said, it’s not like that. It’s not about you,” Diego tried to say but Frankie could barely hear him. The panic was like a tornado, drowning out everything else except Diego standing there in his sneakers.
“Please, D,” Frankie whispered. His voice broke almost painfully over his nickname. “Please don’t… don’t leave me. I promise I can be quiet and let you think and process and heal and whatever else you need to do. You can do all of that next to me and I won’t bother you at all, I swear. I can give you more space if you need it, I can… sleep in my old room, or stay down in the cafe longer, but… please. Don’t leave.” Tears were running down his cheeks; he didn’t even try to stop them. He’d watched Diego withdraw far into himself day after day, and he’d begun to worry he was going to lose Diego into his own head, but not that he was going to lose Diego out into the world.
Diego let out a broken noise and came to kneel next to the bed right in front of Frankie.
“Franklin, I’m not leaving. I just couldn’t sleep, and I was going to go make some tea and maybe sit on the couch for a while.”
Frankie blinked at him, finally hearing him through all the noise in his head. “You… put on your shoes.”
“My feet were cold, and these were right here,” Diego said softly, reaching up to brush a few tears off of Frankie’s cheek.
Well, damn.
“Fuck I… I’m sorry,” Frankie hung his head, and as Diego remained silent Frankie slowly curled in on himself, dropping his head into his hands. It was too early—or late?— for this. He had worked so hard to keep a wall up around Diego this past month to prevent him from seeing how much Frankie was suffering. After all his careful work, seeing Diego put his shoes on in the middle of the night seemed to have broken straight through his wall. Frankie began to sob.
“Oh god, Frankie,” Diego choked out and he scrambled up onto the bed, kicking his shoes off and wrapping his arms and legs around Frankie.
“I’m… sorry…” Frankie cried, doing his best to make himself as small as possible.
Diego followed his movements, tightening his limbs, and burying his face in Frankie’s hair.
“You don’t have to apologize,querido. I know things haven’t been… good.” Frankie let out a broken noise and Diego sighed. “Yeah… okay… things have been awful, and it’s completely my fault, and I know that and… honestly Frankie I’ve sort of been waiting foryouto leaveme.”
Frankie jerked his head up so fast they knocked foreheads. Frankie fell backwards and Diego sort of flopped onto his side.
Like a toddler falling down on the playground, Diego was silent for a beat and then he burst into tears.
“Shit, D, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” Frankie crawled forward and took his turn wrapping himself around his boyfriend.
Diego shook his head, and clutched desperately at Frankie’s shirt, pulling him impossibly closer to himself.
“You’re… not okay? Do you need ice? I can—”
Diego crashed their mouths together and it was way more teeth than anything else, but slowly they sank into the familiar press and glide of each other’s mouths. They’d kissed over the past month, but not like this. Diego would give Frankie a peck on the lips every morning and sometimes randomly during the day if they were both in the backroom together. They’d had sex once and it had been good because things always felt good between them, but the connection had been missing. This kiss, though, was all connection. Maybe that was why tears started sliding down Frankie’s cheeks again when Diego finally pulled away.
“I went to a meeting for trans adults,” Diego confessed, and Frankie’s eyebrows nearly shot off his face.
“Oh, uh… wow. That’s amazing, D. I mean… was it amazing? Or was it at least okay?”
Diego smiled softly, running his fingers back through Frankie’s hair. Frankie did his best not to purr and roll over into Diego’s lap to demand a belly rub. He was a tactile person and this past month had been incredibly difficult for him. He felt like a cat who had finally found a patch of sunlight. He leaned heavily against Diego, who dutifully took his weight and kept stroking him.
“It… was good. Really good, actually. It just felt like they understood everything right off the bat, with very little explanation or handholding. They just… got me.”
Frankie tried not to be hurt, he really did, but he felt his face crumple and he had to turn away. “That’s… amazing D. I’m so happy for you.”
Diego cupped his cheek and tried to turn his face back to him, but Frankie pulled out of his grasp.
“I just… need a second. I’m sorry. I really am so, so happy you found your people. I just… Please give me a second.”
Diego reached up with both hands to cradle Frankie’s face, and he had to look back this time or risk cranking his neck.
“Franklin, my love… they understood my gender, and my experience with it, and why everything that happened… why everything that haseverhappened to me was so incredibly hard, but you my darling, you understandeverythingthat isme. You’ve seen every side of me, know all of my strengths and flaws, and have had to put up with… well, you’ve just put up with so much these past few weeks—and really the entire time you’ve known me you’ve just had to put up with so much.”
“I don’tput upwithyou, Diego. I fucking love you,” Frankie said, and it came out harsh and broken sounding and nothing like how he had envisioned his first time saying those three words to be.
Diego didn’t seem to mind. A slow smile was spreading across his face, and he pulled Frankie in and kissed him. He was pretty sure he had tears and snot all over his face, but Diego kissed him like he was the most beautiful person on the planet.
He gently pulled Frankie down on top of him and Frankie was embarrassed to find his cock hardening against Diego’s leg.
