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He shrugs. “I never felt like I met the right woman that I would feel comfortable introducing to them.” He looks me over. “This is not to say I didn’t date, it was just harder. Rebecca wasn’t here, so it’s not like I had weekends or days where they could be with her and allow me to really spend an extended amount of time getting to know someone. I was always running one of them here or there. I couldn’t stay overnight at a woman’s place and I wasn’t allowing just anyone to come here. If they were both sleeping at a friend’s house, I could or before Bryan moved to Arizona and they’d stay there for a night I could have someone over but I don’t know. Meeting someone was never my focus. I guess I felt like Rebecca robbed me of that in some ways. I didn’t want them to feel like they had two parents that didn’t put them first. That I valued a relationship with someone else more than I did with them.” He shakes his head. “And now I wonder if that’s exactly what I’m doing with Lucas. Am I just as bad as Rebecca? Or hell, worse because he expects that kind of selfishness from her and doesn’t from me?”
I am at a loss for words, hearing him unload all of his fears and when his eyes dart to mine, he winces at the look of shock on my face. “Shit, Ave. I shouldn’t have said all of that.”
“No!” I press my lips to his as I try to calm the anxiety taking over that comes with sharing too much. “Of course you should.” I sigh, unsure of what to say. “It’s messy.” I nod in agreement. “Especially when you phrase it like that.”
“I’m fucking crazy about you and I’m not taking into consideration how that fact now affects him. Does that make me selfish?” He rubs his hand down my shoulder gently and goosebumps pop up in response.
“I think the fact that you’re having these thoughts means you’re not selfish at all… I feel the same guilt.” I’ve wanted this man for years, but I never thought I would ever get here and now we are and he feels the same but never in my fantasies did I ever picture how we’d ever tell people about us.How we’d tell Lucas.
I bite my lip as I prepare to tell him about what Rory said. “Rory texted me while you were outside talking to Wes,” I tell him. “She’s worried about Lucas.”
He frowns. “Why?”
“I don’t know. She says he’s drinking more than usual and…” I clear my throat. “There have been a lot of girls.” I sigh. “She thinks he’s going through something and I really hope it doesn’t have to do with me.”
He turns onto his back and I immediately hate myself for making us have this conversation. He turns on the light on his nightstand and sits up. The sheet is still covering his lap but his naked torso is on display, shiny from sweat and glistening and I can’t help but notice how gorgeous he is and how much I want him even amidst this slightly uncomfortable conversation.
“Sorry,” I whisper as I sit up too and wrap the sheet around my chest. “I shouldn’t have said anything.” I push my thoroughly just fucked hair out of my face.
“No, I’m glad you did.” He reaches for me and pulls me closer to him. “Don’t keep anything from me.”
I nod. “She wants me to talk to him and if I’m being honest I do too. Just so I know what’s going on.” I bite my bottom lip as I prepare to speak my biggest concern. “I hope he’s not doing all of this to get any feelings he may have for me out of his system.” I frown. “I want him to be completely over me if he’s not already but not by being self-destructive.”
“Hey, this is not your fault.” He strokes my cheek before tucking a hair behind my ear. “Maybe this has nothing to do with you at all and Rory is just overreacting.”
I don’t know if he’s trying to make me or himself feel better, but I hear the skepticism in his voice.
What am I going to say if it comes out that it actually is because of me?
“Okay, and on that note, I’m dating your dad.”
I hadn’t even noticed the tears in my eyes until I feel Theo’s hands beneath them. “Please don’t cry. We’ll figure it out.” He pulls me into his lap to face him and begins to rub my back slowly, and even though there is not much between his dick and my pussy, it’s not remotely sexual.
“What iffiguring it outmeans I can’t have you?” More tears form in response to my words and my heart begins to race at the thought of not getting to be with Theo. The thought that Theo and I would be over before we even had a chance to begin. “And I hate the friend that it makes me that being with you is becoming a bigger concern.”
I meet his warm brown eyes that are filled with so much sadness and confusion. “I know. I knew this was fucking dangerous.” He grimaces. “Going down this road with you.” He clears his throat. “I spent so many years just focusing on being a good father only to finally be ready for more with a woman and it’s…you.” He chuckles darkly. “Which probably negates everything.”
TG: We have plans tonight.
It’s six in the morning and I’m sitting in the kitchen ofAvery’swatching my mother pull out a batch of her infamous blueberry muffins when I open Theo’s text. A smile pulls at my lips seeing the words on the screen and I shift my body away from my mother so she doesn’t start an inquisition as to what has me grinning at my phone before the sun is barely up.
Me: Oh? What kind of plans?
TG: It’s a surprise.
Me: I don’t particularly like surprises, you know.
And while this is true, I have a feeling I’ll like whatever he has planned.
TG: I do know but you’ll like this one. Leave your car in the garage on Main Street and I’ll pick you up at five.
Me: What should I wear?
TG: Casual, we’ll be outside.
Me: Okay…Do I need overnight clothes?
TG: Since when do you sleep in clothes?
