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“I guess I’ve become a full-time job for you.”
“There will be no joking. Not about this. No avoiding the subject, no veiled desires or secrets. We will talk, the two of us, until we find a way to resolve this.”
“Resolve what, precisely?”
“I need you in my life, but you don’t want me.”
Could it be he really cared about her? Or… loved her?
No, love wasn’t something Zirkov sought. If anything, he avoided it, because a stupid mistake stripped him of the certainty other zyanthans took for granted. But she loved him, with all her heart. Would that be enough?
“Whose apartment is this?” she asked, breaking away from him to walk around and admire the furnishings. Then she spotted a holovid on the wall. It was a video of an elephant bathing its baby. A second holovid showed a lion protecting its pride. Below that, a giraffe grazed on a tree. “The person who lives here is living the life I’ve always dreamed of. Seeing the world, for one.”
“This is your apartment,” Zirkov announced.
She spun around. “I don’t understand.”
“The DAA destroyed your last apartment and all your possessions. Then they took your job and car, which they never returned even after they cleared you of all charges. You’re living in a tiny space not fit for a sartog. I made Director Nguyen agree to give you another home, in another building. You should not have to relive all the terrible memories of your former apartment… and the roof.”
She placed her hand on his chest. “Not all the memories are bad. I remember some of our first time together.”
He kissed her palm. “You will only have excellent memories from now on. I will see to it.”
“You can’t promise that.”
“Yes, I can. This is your home now. The DAA signed over this building to you. Konnitch and I worked all week adding extra security. We left the ground level alone to discourage attention.”
“Like your safehouses.”
“Yes. But there are traps and security measures which he will go over with you in detail. I will not leave you vulnerable again.”
“Does that mean you don’t want to marry me?”
“It means this is your home, whether you accept me or not.”
Maggie surveyed the apartment again, wondering what it would be like to live there. Despite the beautiful renovation, the apartment lacked one vital element. Zirkov.
The warmth of his breath washed over her ear as he whispered. “I want you, Magdalena. More than life itself. I wish I could make you understand what you mean to me, how empty I am without you.”
She bit her lip and shook her head. “I love you, Z, but I can’t be with you. You have to want me for me and not be thinking that your sholani is still out there. That someday you’ll meet her. I can’t be a consolation prize or a temporary mate until your heartmate shows up.”
“But my heartmate did show up. You.” He held her face in both hands. “I see that now. You make more than my mating cock rise. You give me purpose and hope. I wake up every morning, eager to see you, even if it’s only a glimpse across the street. You are the air I breathe, the earth that keeps me steady, and the wind that turns me in the direction I need to go. You help me see beyond my stubbornness. I need you in my bed and my life.”
“Are you sure?”
“You’re in my heart, Magdalena. It’s a lonely place there without you. I love you, sholani, more than I ever thought possible to love another.”
“Sholani? You don’t know what you’re saying, Z.”
“Youare my sholani. You were right before. I had to look within myself to know the truth, to recognize that you are my heartmate.”
“There’s a risk, you know. If I’m not your true shola—”
He sealed his lips to hers, stopping her from saying more. When he ended the kiss, his expression said everything. He truly loved her. She didn’t need his cock to rise to tell her what she’d known for a long time. He belonged to her, and she belonged to him.
When she didn’t respond, his horns twisted and untwisted. “I did not mean to pressure you. This place is yours, even if you never speak to me again. And with Stenikov heading to New York, I’m short a marshal. The position is yours, if you want it. If you can stand working under me.”
Maggie grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him down onto the bed, on top of her. “I love being under you, Z, but this is not work.” She yanked his shirt out from his pants. “This is pleasure.”
