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“So, Livvy, things at my family home can get a little… lively,” I say, steering the borrowed car onto my parents’ street. We have to park at the end of the block, that’s how many cars are here. Guess no one wants to miss out on Enzo bringing a girl home.
Cripes, I should have my head examined for walking into this minefield.
Livvy scoffs as she gathers the bouquet of flowers she got for my mother. “I can handle family stuff. Don’t you worry about me.”
Famous last words.
As we get closer to my parents’ front stoop, the cacophony that is the Messina family reaches out to the street, not limited to the smell of my mother’s famous sauce, someone smoking a cigar, and shouts coming from the basement where my uncles are most likely speeding through a game of pre-dinner darts.
We greet Nonna first because, in my family, that’s how it’s done.
“Livvy, honey, hello. Come here and kiss me, honey,” Nonna rasps from her spot on the sofa, taking Livvy’s hand and pulling her down to her level with a freakish amount of strength.
“Oh my,” Livvy says, throwing in a casual laugh to show she’s cool with being manhandled by old grandmas.
Nonna points a crooked finger up at her. “Didn’t expect me to be that strong, did you, honey? No one ever does. It’s my superpower. Back in the day, I could kick anyone’s ass—”
“Nonna,” I interrupt, “Livvy’s got to meet a lot of people. We’ll come back around.”
Nonna waves us away like we were just an annoyance anyway.
After getting her face patted by my mother, and her ass stared at by one of my cousins—whom I had to threaten with bodily harm—we eventually make it to the dining table after my mother screams for everyone several times. Pops emerges from the basement with various uncles and other male family members, and before he sits, he beams, shaking Livvy’s hand in both of his.
You can say a lot about my family, that they’re crazy, emotional, and unpredictable, but you could never say you feel any less than completely welcome at one of our gatherings.
Case in point. Mama, after she rustles up some help bringing dinner from the kitchen to the dining room, serves Livvy first.
“What the hell is that?” Nonna asks from the other end of the table.
But Livvy knows exactly what she’s been served. And she can’t hide her eyes filling with tears.
“You… you shouldn’t have, Mrs. Messina. This must have been so much work for you.”
Mama beams and acts like it’s nothing that she made a vegetarian dish, a single-serving eggplant casserole just for Livvy. But I know she’s pleased her hard work is appreciated.
“It was nothing, sweetheart,” Mama says modestly.
I catch Pops’s gaze and he nods, looks at Livvy, then looks back at me with a discreet thumbs-up.
All without Livvy seeing.
I nod back and our private conversation ends. He likes Livvy and wants me to know.
I am not as discreet as Pops and am beaming so broadly he rolls his eyes.
Yeah, it’s been a long time since I brought a woman over. The majority of my waking hours are spent at the restaurant, and I don’t meet many women there who fit into this part of my life. That doesn’t mean I don’t date them and fuck them, given the chance. It’s just that there are limits to what I share. But I knew from the first time I saw Livvy making the rounds at our investor party giving out her business information that she had balls of steel and could hang in most any situation.
Including with my crazy family.
Livvy is lucky enough—or not, depending on whom you ask—to be sitting right next to Nonna at tonight’s dinner. That means her attention will pretty much be monopolized by a feisty octogenarian the entire meal. While those two are nearly head-to-head, discussing something vitally important—at least to Nonna—the rest of the table chimes in with their usual banter, touching on everything from local politics, to neighborhood gossip, and the various digestive ailments of the elders at the table.
It's a total freakshow, but it’s my freakshow, and I’m stoked about sharing it with Livvy.
The evening progresses without a hiccup, but I know not to tempt fate. My family is a lot, and before Livvy gets the urge to run away screaming, I ask Mama to give us some dessert to go, the excuse being that we both have early mornings.
It takes another thirty minutes to get out the door because everyone wants a hug and a kiss and a promise from Livvy that she’ll come back soon. I’m glad everyone else made her promise that she would. It saved me from risking embarrassment.
On the ride back to the city, Livvy can’t stop talking about the evening. She’s clearly both enchanted and terrified, which is par for the course with my family.
