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By the time I’ve hung up and sent a voice note to Ford, my car idles outside the Gothic gates of Woodbury cemetery as a mixture of self-hatred and guilt roils through me.
I’d known when I’d left Rogue this morning that a visit to the Caputo’s burial place was on the cards. But fuck, being here…it’s harder than I’d anticipated.
Having spent two decades perfecting the ability to close off my emotions, I wasn’t expecting tofeelso much. And the sensation is overwhelming.
My breathing quickens as I rake my hand through my usually immaculate hair. The long, dark strands fall forward into my stinging eyes as I slam my lids closed, willing myself to reinforce my defenses.
“Get it together, you fucking pussy.”
I propel myself from the car, striding beneath those gates and making for the side-by-side gray headstones that haunt me. Before I can get too close, I stop, eyes locked on my best friend’s final resting place.
Lorenzo Raphael Caputo
Precious Son. Devoted Partner.
Beloved Father. Dear Friend.
My stomach bottoms out, and I roughly swallow my rising nausea before my knees buckle. I drop down onto a patch of familiar deep purple flowers and pluck one, focusing on the large brownish-orange center. As I stare at the bloom, two decades of denied emotion bubble to the surface, and I’m helpless to allow the innermost workings of my fucked-up mind to tumble from my mouth.
“I should have listened to you. I should have done what you told me to, instead of naively believing I was untouchable.” My voice drops to a guttural whisper. “If I had,you’dbe here. Andshe’dbe safe.”
My eyes move past the almost hypnotic flower, returning to the headstone of the man whose life I stole through nothing short of sheer ignorance. An inaction I will regret until I join him six feet under.
“I couldn’t save you, Renzo. And my arrogance led to…this.”
I grit my teeth, shutting images of our last interaction firmly out of my head, lest I fall completely asunder.
Once I’ve gotten a handle on my fraying emotions, I survey the graves of my foster family—the people whosavedme in more ways than I can count—with fresh resolution and deep-seated determination.
“I will keep her safe from all who may try to dim her light. From any who might seek to taint her perfection. From those who are unable to appreciate the pureness of her spirit…”
I trail off, visualizing the Birkenstock fiasco and the reaction I’ve rewatched more times than I can count. “Even when she’s grating on my last nerve…”
There’s a sharp pang in my breastbone when an image of her dove-gray eyes haunts my vision. Her laughter rings in my ears, illuminating the dark recesses of my damaged soul in the same way as something in her very essence called to me that first day in my office.
The same something I’ve been doing my damnedest to ignore. Shielding any shred of decency I may still possess behind my usual snark.
My go-to assholery.
But every single moment existing in her orbit has left indelible chinks in the armor I’ve spent years crafting, and I’m entirely unsure how much longer I can stop myself from taking what every fiber of my being calls out to take for my own.
I stand in one fluid movement, gripping the blossom tightly in my fist as I gaze intently at the ground covering my dearest friend.
“I will doeverything—every fucking thing—in my power to keep her from all harm; this Ivowto you, Lorenzo Caputo.”
With that, I turn back toward the gates, my brows deeply furrowed, while my normally inactive and utterly useless heart stutters to life as I let my words soak in.
I need to keep Wren safe. And I will.
But to do that, IknowI’ll need to hurt her along the way. To push her as far away as I can before she finds a way in beneath those cracks she’s so effortlessly made.
And while the knowledge isn’t comforting, I’m disciplined enough to know that now, with my mind made up and promises in place, she’ll at least be safe from me.
Even if I’ll need to be the worst version of myself in order to make that possible.
CHAPTER15
VAUGHN
