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CHAPTER22

Ashley cradled Davy close to him, trying to get the little sod to stop crying. He bounced from one foot to the other, hummed and sang. The teething ring had been discarded and even Mr Bunny, the most precious toy in the universe, had been sent flying by a flailing arm. Slowly, and by fuck did it seem to take forever, Davy began to quieten, probably more out of tiredness than feeling affable towards his father. He’d been up since four a.m. with no respite and Ashley was beginning to doubt his sanity.

The only solace was the multiple pairs of eyes staring at him with the same understanding look—each of the mums wearing a similar haggard expression born of sleepless nights and baby wails. Linda, who was mum to a little girl called Belle, put a fresh cup of coffee in front of him as he retook his seat. “You might even get to drink that while it’s still lukewarm.”

“I don’t think I’ve managed to drink a hot cup of coffee since he was born,” admitted Ashley, and by Davy’s grizzles today was not going to be any different.

“I developed a taste for iced lattes,” Lisa said with sympathy. “At least that way they were supposed to be cold.”

“Surely it’s not too much to have a hot drink once in a while?” he asked, knowing full well that time might be a few years in the future, even longer if they had another one.

“You didn’t consider getting a nanny?” asked another mum called Chelsea. “It’s an expensive way to get a hot drink, but might be your only option.”

The subject of nannies had come up before, along with every other childcare option, and he’d been less upfront about his concerns, but over the months he’d come to trust the other parents and knew they wouldn’t think less of him. “Ben did suggest it but I sort of feel I should be able to look after my own kid, although I didn’t expect it to be this hard.”

The mums in this group always struck him as being super competent and organised. Everywhere he looked were nappy bags with nothing missing, extra snacks, and spare sets of clothing, whereas he thought he came across as barely managing to keep Davy alive.

“It’s not easy, Ashley. Every time I think I have things sorted something else happens. The guilt of nappy rash or not being able to deal with teething.” Chelsea patted his arm. “You’re doing really well.”

“I don’t feel it. It’s like some days I get my ducks in a row and then someone releases a squirrel.”

Chelsea laughed. “Oh, I understand that one. How much help do you get from Davy’s other daddy?”

“Ben tries, and given he was brought up with other people doing everything for him I’ve been frankly amazed at how hands-on he’s been.” Ben had been wonderful, and a doting father. He’d been much more involved than some of the other dads, according to the mums in the group. To be honest, they were both tired and strained by the arrival of Davy, neither of them comprehending beforehand how big a change a new baby would make.

“Didn’t you say you were planning to go back to work?” asked Linda.

“Yeah, in a few months. I’m missing adult conversation—even if some of them are brides shouting at me and calling me a wanker.”

He was even relishing the idea of the confrontations. A bride was less likely to throw up down his back, and threats to return a deposit for bad behaviour worked nine times out of ten.

“You might want to at least think about daycare,” Linda said. “My other two went to a childminder and I honestly think that saved my sanity and my career.”

Linda was something in the city, he wasn’t sure what exactly, but her firm were so desperate for her to return that she worked three days a week from home and was able to schedule meetings around the parent and baby groups.

“I’ve been considering daycare. I’d like to go back to work in a couple of months but I’m already exhausted.” Both Ben and Davy’s grandfather had made noises about sending Davy to a childminder, and each of them worried that something might happen to him due to the family connections on both sides. “But I’m not convinced a nanny is the way to go.”

“You know, if I could afford a nanny I would,” Chelsea said wistfully. “Someone I could trust implicitly, who lived in, could help you at any time—it would be amazing.”

Money hadn’t been an issue, it was Ashley’s stubbornness that had prevented it. “I guess it would be nice.”

Kendra, mum to Jamal, leant forwards untangling Jamal’s pudgy hands from her hair. “Honestly, Ashley, think about it seriously. My sister has been training as a nursery nurse and her training has been really thorough, she’s helped me so much so I think if you could get someone like her it would be revolutionary.”

“One of my cousins is doing something similar,” Ashley said. His mum had mentioned Theo a couple of weeks ago and he’d been surprised as he’d thought his cousin had been more into martial arts than baby games, and was sure he had a number of different coloured belts. “I’m still not convinced I want one though.”

The idea of a nanny was so tempting, but accepting he needed one would mean admitting to Ben he wasn’t coping, that he’d have to swallow his pride, and that wasn’t something he could do easily. They’d had several arguments over the situation already and Ben had stopped pushing after the last time when Ashley had been a bit loud and shouty in his own defence, but if there was a way to bring it up without it coming across as he was capitulating then he would reconsider. Maybe he could speak to Simon and get his help to formulate a plan.

Thinking of Simon, he would be moving in later this afternoon and Ashley had promised to act as a conduit to prevent Robin from becoming overbearing. He might have his work cut out but at least Davy would have another doting adult about the hall.

He spent the rest of the session espousing his views on baby-led feeding for solids, which he’d been surprised that he had such a strong opinion, and then left the ladies, in a contemplative mood about a potential nanny. He would admit it was the best option, but now all he had to do was bring it up to Ben without coming across as a knob.

CHAPTER23

Alex didn’t particularly like shopping, but he preferred it when the store was closed to anyone else. Dorian had the kind of clout that meant the swanky boutique had reopened just for him in the evening.

Dorian held up a casual shirt in a pale green. “I think this would suit you.”

Alex took it and held it flush against his body. “I can try it on.”

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