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“What?”
“You probably don’t remember, but ages back I got asked to take part in a charity auction. I managed to sidestep it and thought Mel had given it all up as a bad bet, but it appears not, and she’s now got me on the list.”
Ashley frowned. “Auction? What to donate something? Surely you’ve enough old stuff to donate a bit of tat?”
“No, sweetheart, I’d be thebit of tatup for auction.”
“Meaning what? That you’ll spend an evening or night with whoever buys you?”
Ben was surprised by the anger in Ashley’s tone. “It’s for charity, not for anything nefarious.”
“But you’re asking me to let my husband fuck off and take someone else out for a date? You’re not a bachelor, why would you think that’d be even slightly acceptable?” Ashley was on his feet. “Why would you even want to do it?”
This was heading in a disastrous direction and Ben hadn’t seen it coming. “It’s a fundraiser, nothing more. I’m not going on a date in the romantic sense and I’m not sure what you’re trying to insinuate here.”
“That my husband wants to be put up for sale to the highest bidder so he can find someone else for an evening. Not sure what’s unclear about that. And he thinks I would be fine with it.”
“It’s dinner. I’m not going to do anything.”
“Oh of course not. You’ll be fawned over left, right and centre, men and women all panting around you, you’ll be in your element preening and lapping it up.”
Ben was not averse to getting attention and he was a bit of a flirt at times, but he had never been unfaithful. “How dare you accuse me of something like that. Yes, I flirt a little, but I’ve never overstepped the line. Ashley, I can’t believe you think I’d be interested in doing so.”
Ashley’s face crumpled. “But why wouldn’t you? I’m a useless father, and now you’ve realised you’d have better options for a partner too.”
Ben had no idea where this was coming from. His own anger was replaced with worry. He stepped closer and tried to take hold of Ashley but he wouldn’t let him. “Sweetheart, why would you think such a thing? I love you, Davy loves you. You’re a wonderful father.”
Ashley shook his head. “No I’m not. And it’s only going to get worse once I go back to work. I can’t calm him when he needs it the most, it takes me ages to settle him, so he’s exhausted by the time he’s down and if I was better, he’d be sleeping through the night. I’d be able to sleep for more than a few hours at a time and I should be able to look after my own son.”
Ben wouldn’t let Ashley fight him off this time. “He’s a fussy baby that’s all. Marchent told me Toby was the same, and you’re not doing anything wrong.”
“I feel so guilty that I’m relieved when someone takes him for a couple of hours, I shouldn’t want to be away from him.”
He stroked Ashley’s back. “At the moment he’s a crying, eating, and pooing machine, you’ve taken on the lion’s share of the work, and it’s not wrong to be happy to have a little break.”
“I feel such I failure. I should want to spend all my time with him, not be thinking how much I want to go back to work.”
Ben held him tighter. “You are not alone in this, you didn’t give up being who you are because you became a parent. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to go back to doing a job you love.”
Ashley sniffed and pulled back, wiping his nose on the sleeve of his sweatshirt. “I know I said I didn’t want a nanny, and I’m still not happy that I’ve come to this, but I think it’d be best for when I go back to work.”
Ben had suspected this would be the end result, but he was not stupid enough to say so. “I’m all for it if you think that’s for the best. Whoever it is doesn’t have to be full-time, and be more of a mother’s… er… father’s helper.”
“I’m sorry for being so belligerent over it. Simon told me just to talk to you, that you wouldn’t be an arse.”
As much as he might have wanted Ashley to have come to that conclusion on his own, Ben accepted that Ashley’s current state of mind was not as stable as usual. Simon seemed to be working his magic in many ways of late. He’d become a good friend to Ashley, and Dorian was singing his praises. Robin had picked a good man, although Ben wondered if he appreciated how good a man he was.
“I don’t think I’m too much of an ogre.”
“You’re not.” Ashley sniffed. “I wasn’t thinking straight, and I didn’t want to admit I was wrong about needing help.”
“We’ll find someone. There’s specialist agencies for that sort of thing.”
“Yeah, whoever it is will need to meet my standards.”
Signs the old Ashley hadn’t gone very far were wonderful to see. Stubborn, tenacious and brilliant—Ashley was everything he could hope for in a partner. “I’ll have Alex look into who we can approach and then we can see who they have on their books.”
“I’ve a cousin who is training, I’ll ask my mum for their details because they might be able to give us some pointers on what to look for.”
