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“It wasn’t a complaint,” he said. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I didn’t expect you would.”
“Why would you? I’ve spent most of the last decade having people organise every aspect of my life, and to be honest, once I have my new team in place, I’ll have the same again, but there are some things I should do myself.”
Alex squeezed his hand. “You are the master of your own destiny.”
“And tonight, my destiny includes several pints of IPA and fish and chips.”
Alex laughed, Dorian was far more down-to-earth than most gave him credit for. “If they have mushy peas, I might have to join you.”
Walking hand-in-hand with Dorian down the beach was a bit surreal. They chatted about everything and nothing. He’d learnt which football club was Dorian’s favourite, and how he, Ben and the Duke of Marchent were intending to watch the cricket together in a few weeks. Dorian’s fondness for his friends was evident in every story he told, but there was an underlying regret that he’d not been as close to them as he would have liked, due to his lifestyle.
“But you’re still good friends and that’s what matters,” Alex said after Dorian had told him of all the things he’d missed by being away filming. “Ben doesn’t hold grudges.”
“I think he probably should. He asked me to be one of his best men and, in the end, I didn’t because of an arsehole move I played trying to put Robin off the idea of me coming out and us getting married.”
Dorian seemed to be in a retrospective mood. “What did you do?”
“When Ben got married, he seemed more excited about his stag do than the wedding itself. Looking back, it was more that he wasn’t interested in all the organising and planning that goes into a wedding, not that he didn’t want to marry Ashley, but I sort of suggested to Robin that Ben might be getting cold feet, and if that was the case for a couple so obviously suited as Ben and Ashley, what hope had the rest of us.”
Alex could hear Dorian’s shame and remorse. “Does seem a bit of a dickish move.”
“I even asked Ben if it was the case, and he said no and I should have dropped it there and then. But I kept discussing it with Robin.”
“Oh, was it just to put Robin off or were you hoping Ben wouldn’t get married? You and Robin did have a bit of a thing with him.”
Dorian sighed. “The Ben thing was nothing. What I wanted was to keep Robin, get him to stay with me as we were, since I was already talking to Skye about us getting engaged and then a sham marriage, which is what my management team wanted.”
“Fucking hell. That’s… I…”
“Now I look back and realise that I was a complete arsehole. I am really sorry about it all. I was a selfish and inconsiderate prick.”
“I can’t disagree with you there. But the thing now is you’ve learnt from it and don’t do it again.” The Dorian he’d been getting to know didn’t sound like the same man.
“I’m insanely lucky that Ben is a good friend, and that Robin left me.”
“That Robin left you?” He didn’t think he’d heard that right.
“Yes, I’ve been thinking a lot about what would have happened if he’d continued to play along. We’d have got more and more unhappy, I’d have done more arseholeish things to keep him and, in the end, we’d have hated each other. I reckon all my real friends would have taken his side, leaving me in a fake marriage to Skye, miserable.”
Dorian needed to talk to someone and Alex was happy to be that person. “Accepting this sort of thing is an important part of you being able to move forwards with your life.”
“I didn’t set out to hurt people, I’m not that much of a bastard, but I didn’t think about the consequences for others from my actions. I’d like to think I would now.”
“You have to actively do that… you can’t expect things just to happen. Or people are going to assume you’re the same old Dorian.”
Dorian was quiet for a moment, the sea filling the silence. Alex waited for Dorian to say something.
“Yeah, and I think that’s why Robin came at me over Simon getting stabbed. He saw the way I came out as unplanned and it caused trouble for other people. Worst thing was he was right.”
“I don’t think he should have blamed you for what happened.”
Dorian stopped and looked at him. “I wasn’t to blame for that girl’s actions, but if I had come out in a controlled way then things could’ve been managed better. That’s Robin’s point.”
“But he was worried sick, and angry, and lashed out at you.” He could understand Robin’s reaction, not that he agreed with it. “Simon doesn’t blame you, and he was the one who was injured.”
“They broke the mould when they made Simon. Robin’s only just realised how lucky he is.”
Dorian started walking again, he let go of Alex’s hand. Alex felt the loss but didn’t think he could be the one to reinitiate contact.
