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Before I have the chance to answer, he continues. "Or is this a ruse to make your ex jealous?"
Yes, it's obvious we're advertising our fake love affair, but it's not obvious it's fake. I think. "What makes you say that?"
"Which part?" He motions to my desk chair may I?
I nod sure and he takes a seat.
I push myself up from my spot on the bed. I need to get my wits about me. I'm too much in my teenage mentality in my childhood bedroom. Sure, I redid a lot of the decorations during my college summers, but I still feel like I'm in high school.
The shelf of vinyls, the black bedspread, the twinkling string lights on the walls.
The decor felt mature when I was nineteen. Now, it feels like a teenage girl trying too hard to prove she's a rock star poet. It feels as desperate as this ruse and this team-up.
At least the desk is covered in quality lyrics. Even if half of them are by guys who can't stand their ex fucking someone else.
There's no excuse for the way they slut-shame their exes (what is this obsession with makeup running or rubbing off on pillows, really?), but I do understand the sentiment.
He said he'd love me forever.
He said he never wanted anyone else.
Then he found her, touched her, fell for her, waited for me to realize he only wanted her.
Fuck exes.
"Cass. You there? Are you lost in a dirty dream or flailing to figure out a cover story?" Zack laughs at his own joke.
"Why are you wearing sunglasses inside?" I motion to the sunglasses hanging off the v in his v-neck.
"I'm not wearing them. I'm storing them. We live in California. The sun is out every day."
That's true. It's still bright now. The light is streaming through my sheer curtains. But it must be early evening if he's here. It's Sunday. And every Sunday is family dinner night at Mama and Papa Steele's house. Even when one of them is out of town, they expect us to arrive here and share a meal.
"Stop trying to distract me." He forgets my momentary change of subject and zeroes in on his mission to annoy. "I'm not going to stop asking."
"Why do you ask though?"
He chuckles is that a real question? When I shoot him a death glare, he shrugs. "Don't shoot the messenger, Cass. Then no one will tell you the truth."
I value honesty, yes, but I didn't ask for his opinion. "Could you try a little tact?"
"Never heard of it, no." He smiles, pure Steele charm. All the charm of our father. I forget he's not actually related to me or Dad sometimes. Our parents adopted him and Laurel when we were kids. I rarely think of him as my adopted brother. Only when I wonder why he's got all the charisma.
I'm sure, to a certain type of person, I'm appealing, but he's effervescent. Laurel too.
But now, I'm getting distracted from my mission.
"Seriously, Zack, spill. Tact or no tact," I say.
"Why I think you're faking this thing with Damon?" Again, he laughs, as if it's obvious to anyone with half a brain. "You've had a crush on him since you were… since always."
"That was a long time ago."
"Past tense. I see what you're doing." Zack shakes his head. "Fooling no one."
"Can you get to the point?"
"Yeah. You don't sleep around." He drops a hint of the bullshit in his voice. "If that's changed, great. I'm all about it. Have fun, let your freak flag fry. All that shit. As long as you wrap it up. Damon's slept with more people than I have."
"I'm still not seeing a point." I know better too. I know Zack is playing ridiculous to distract me from any sincerity underneath. I guess he's like Damon that way. Only he's way better at it.
"You weren't seeing Damon the last time I was here." He doesn't add last week, for family dinner, the way I always am. And you're always here! You live here. "All of a sudden, you have ten pictures in three days?"
It does seem a little obvious when he says it that way. "Maybe we're finally ready to go public."
"I hope that's true, 'cause…" He shakes his head in mock concern. "You do know our older brother, Jackson? The surprisingly buff lawyer who's always tense 'cause he hasn't gotten laid since college?"
Jackson is always tense because he also inherited Dad's tendency to take control of everything. Only he also tries, hard, to protect everyone he cares about. I'm not nearly as good at that. The only person I've really tried to protect is Daphne, and, mostly, from her older brother. But, hey, I'm not letting my brother distract me with his asides. "Why are you so concerned with your siblings' sex lives?"
"I'm not concerned. I'm open. It's European. Try it."
