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"My game, my rules," Bryce says. "Besides, what have I not done there?"
She nods true. "Never have I ever had a threesome with another woman." She shoots me a knowing look.
Because Bryce relayed my rant about greedy men. Or because Frederick told her something. Or because she wants to have a threesome with me and Damon. Me and Bryce.
I have no idea.
I shrug as I drop a finger.
Tinsel's eyes go wide.
"For you gentlemen, that means with two women." Lisa looks around the table. When Bryce drops a finger, she shoots him a knowing smile.
She barely notices Frederick go from ten to nine fingers.
But Tinsel does. Epiphany spreads over her pale face. Then worry. She looks at me with a wish in her eyes, a wish I could tell her things are different.
But they aren't different. She's with an asshole. And, sure, she was the other woman, and she got what she deserved, but I still don't wish her harm. She's suffering enough with Frederick as a boyfriend.
Tinsel shakes off her concern to take her turn. "Never have I ever had sex in public."
"Is a car public?" Bryce asks.
Lisa laughs. "Why? You've had sex on a balcony."
"I want to count my escapades," he says.
Lisa makes a show of rolling her eyes. Men, huh?
Everyone drops a finger. Again, Tinsel fights a frown.
Frederick's eyes narrow. His lip corners turn down. He stares daggers at me. "Never have I ever faked an orgasm."
Really? Is that the best he's got? I drop a finger and take a sip.
Tinsel and Lisa do the same. Bryce too. When everyone looks at him, he shrugs. "Sometimes, it's just not happening. I don't want to make the poor girl feel bad about her lack of skill."
Lisa whispers something in his ear.
He shakes his head and laughs. "Never, of course."
The buck passes to Damon. He's never had breakup sex.
Everyone else has.
And then it's to me. I take a deep breath and try to find some sense of calm. Patience. Logic.
There's none.
Only anger and hurt and frustration.
"Never have I ever cheated on my partner." I return Frederick's sharp stare.
He drops a finger, takes a drink, tosses an accusation right at me. "Never have I ever withheld important information about my health from a partner." He motions to my copper cup. Drink up, sweetheart.
What the fuck? "Oh really?" If he wants to play, I'm ready to play. Kid gloves off. Bullshit done. "Having unprotected sex with another person isn't important health information?"
"It wasn't unprotected," he says.
"Really? You were using dental dams?" I swallow the last sip of my drink. "No one uses dental dams."
"Did you walk away with an STD?" He stands.
"Yeah, I was infected with asshole for months." I let my cup fall to the ground. "Where the fuck do you get off?"
Bryce laughs awkwardly. "With someone else, apparently."
Ugh. Fuck him too. Fuck all of this. "How can you act superior? You had a full-blown affair. You kept that from me."
Frederick ignores the peanut gallery. He stays glued to our conversation. "You kept yourself from me."
What the fuck does that mean? "I talked to you about everything." I need more of this vodka and ginger beer. I need to dull my thoughts, my feelings, my inhibitions. I need to silence the voice saying don't push him off the deck.
"You didn't tell me you were on medication," he says.
"Everyone our age is on medication!" I say. "And it was none of your business."
"All those fake orgasms were none of my business? You, lying about whether or not you wanted to connect sexually, was none of my business?" He glares at me. "How the fuck do you think that made me feel when I realized you weren't there?"
"You never asked," I say.
"I did," he says. "I asked point-blank. You looked me in the eyes, and told me you loved me, and lied to my face."
"Fuck you." I don't give him another chance to claim superiority. I turn and storm away from the table.
The living room is too crowded. The house is too bright. The entire world is too fucking bright.
So I set my phone on the railing, climb over the deck, and I dive into the dark waters of the Pacific Ocean.
The only place I can be alone here.
The only place no one can find me.
The only place I don't have to face all the things I don't want to say.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Cassie
For a while, the frigid temperature of the water and the pull of the waves keep my thoughts at bay. Then they aren't enough. A million memories overwhelm me at once.
Frederick has no right to act superior—he slept with someone else behind my back—but he's not wrong.
I did deceive him.
I didn't lie, exactly. It's more that I contorted myself around other people's wants, needs, expectations.
Everyone thinks I'm tough as nails. I guess, in some ways, I am. I'm good at cutting people out. I'm happy on my own. I'm better on my own.
