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That night I went home and gave myself permission to hide from the rest of the world. I wanted a long hot bath, but the research I'd started doing as soon as I found out I was pregnant told me soaking in hot water wasn't recommended. Instead, I settled for a shower with my fragranced bath gel I'd gotten as a Christmas gift and had been hanging on to since. Afterward, I got into my favorite worn gray sweatsuit, curled up on the couch, and melted away into a marathon of old TV shows and Chinese food.
I went to bed that night with my mind drifting back to Mark. I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking and how he was feeling.
I'd prepared myself to wait it out. Mark deserved to be given as much space and time as he needed to come to a place where he was willing to talk about the baby and what the pregnancy meant for us moving forward. I wanted to give him that and not put any pressure on him. Cornering him into being a part of the baby's life, or mine, would never give any of us the kind of life and relationships we should have. Whatever we were all going to be moving forward, it needed to be right for all of us.
The next morning when I arrived at work, I discovered I wasn't going to have to wait nearly as long as I thought I might. When I pulled into the parking lot of my office, Mark was already there. My stomach flipped with nerves as soon as I saw him. I hated not knowing what he was going to say. I wished I could have at least an inkling of what was going through his mind so I could prepare myself.
Parking, I took a second to glance in the rearview mirror at myself before climbing out of the car. I didn't pause when I got close to him. This wasn't a conversation I wanted to have out in the parking lot where someone could show up at any time. Instead, I made eye contact with him and continued on to the door so he could follow me.
Letting us into the office, I went straight for the coffeemaker.
"Coffee?" I asked, hoping my voice didn't sound as creaky as it did to me.
"No. Carmela, come on. We need to talk."
I let out a heavy sigh and nodded. Abandoning the machine, I led the way into the private room at the back of the office and closed the door.
"Have a seat," I said, gesturing toward the small sitting area at the front of my office. It was more comfortable than having us sit in the chairs at my desk and would help keep me from slipping directly into lawyer mode.
I clasped my hands in front of me and prepared myself for whatever he was going to say.
"I've been thinking about everything since you told me about the baby," he said. I nodded and braced myself. "And it is certainly a surprise, but that's what life is about."
I wasn't sure if I’d heard him correctly. Or maybe I just hadn't interpreted what he’d said the right way. It sounded almost positive, but he hadn't really been clear. I stared at him for a brief second.
"It is?" I asked when he didn't say anything else.
Mark nodded. "Yes. Life is all about things that aren't expected and aren't what you thought they were going to be, but that turn out to be exactly everything you really needed. That is what this baby is. It's what you are. What we are. I never expected this to happen. When I came back here, the idea of falling for anyone was the furthest thing from my mind. I wouldn't have even considered it was something that would happen for me, especially with you."
"Why especially with me?" I asked. My heart was fluttering, and I knew my voice was soft and powdery, but I didn't do anything to change it. I was caught in the moment and in Mark.
He stared into my eyes with an expression on his face I couldn't quite read. Reaching forward, he took both of my hands in his and brought them close to himself.
"Carmela, ever since we were just kids, I've thought you were a beautiful, incredible girl. And ever since I came back into town last year and ran into you again, I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. I’ve thought about you at some point almost every day since then. And the last few months, spending time with you, my feelings have only grown stronger.
“I’m in love with you. I want us to be together, for real this time. And I want to make sure you understand this isn't just about the baby. I haven't stopped thinking about you since the wedding, and I've wanted to tell you exactly how I feel. Now that I know you’re carrying my child, it makes it even better. It won't just be us; we will be a family. This is what I want, Carmela. More than I have ever wanted anything."
