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As feelings of fear and panic started to sink in, I stopped myself. I pulled myself out of those feelings and made the conscious decision not to allow myself to get overwhelmed by them. The stress and negativity weren't good for me, and they weren't good for the baby. I needed to stay calm and think about keeping my little one safe and healthy as they made their way into the world.
In that moment, I had to accept that this was not going to go the way I wanted it to. I wasn't in the birthing center at the hospital or even at home. I didn't have my midwife or any nurses to help me through. I was out on a hiking trail in the middle of the woods, and I definitely wasn't going to be getting back to the car like this.
But there wasn't anything I could do about it. This was happening. My contractions were coming steadily and becoming more painful. There was no denying it now. I was in full-on labor. This baby had its own ideas about when and how it wanted to be born, and all I could do was go along for the ride.
I let my head fall back and breathed my way through another contraction, silently talking my body through the pain. Behind me, I heard running footsteps approaching. Either Mark was back or there was another hiker about to get far more than they’d bargained for.
The thought of what a person stumbling onto this scene made me chuckle, and when I felt a hand on my back and looked up to see Mark crouched down beside me, he had a relieved smile on his face.
"Laughing is good," he said. "Right? Laughing is good."
"You're a doctor," I said. "You've seen women in labor before."
He nodded. "I have. But it's never been a woman I love who is in labor with my baby, so that's a change."
I managed a smile. I would never get enough of hearing him say he loved me. It reassured and calmed me, even as I could feel the very beginning of another contraction start to form deep in my belly.
"Did you call for help?" I asked.
It wasn't really a question. I knew he had. He wouldn't have gone off like that and come back if he hadn't been finding help for me. But I needed something to keep my mind focused on something other than the pain. Talking would keep it occupied and give me something else to concentrate on, even if only for a few minutes.
"I did," he said, continuing to rub my back. I pressed into the feeling of his hand at the small of my back, and he rubbed a little harder, releasing some of the pressure. "The ambulance is coming, but it might take a little while to get here. Do you think you can try to move back down the trail so you're closer to the trailhead? It would be easier for them to get to you than if they need to come all the way down here."
The thought of trying to get all the way back to the car and drive to the hospital seemed totally out of the question before the last contraction, but hearing the ambulance was coming somehow made it less intimidating. I knew help was on the way, and if it was going to be easier for them to get to us, I needed to do whatever I could to get there.
I nodded. "I'll try."
"All right. That's my girl. Let's do this," he said.
Mark stood and took my hands to help pull me to my feet. The weight of the baby seemed to pull harder on my belly than it had before, and I had the compulsion to reach under it and hold it up. He held one hand and kept the other arm wrapped around my waist as we started walking down the trail. It only took a few steps for the contraction to build all the way. It made me stop, and Mark turned me toward him, lifting my arms to wrap them around his neck.
I got through the contraction and was able to get a few more yards down the trail before another hit. I was conflicted about continuing on as the contractions got more intense and closer together. When the next contraction ended, Mark started to help me move farther, but I hesitated.
"What's wrong?" he asked. "Can you not keep going?"
"I don't know," I said. "I'm not sure what to do."
"Why? What do you mean?" he asked.
"I know the farther I get, the easier it's going to be for the ambulance to get to me, so the sooner I'll have medical assistance. But I also know the more I'm up and moving around, the faster labor is going to progress," I said.
